My Journal

Thought Tracking

6/20/21

6:12 a.m - Any new patrons? No? My new trailer sucked. They're annoyed by the trailer. Not interested. My newest video isn't doing well. Why are so many channels growing faster than me? What am I doing wrong? Am I lost in the algorithm? What is it?

Today is Father's Day. Want to do something mice for Daddy. I feel guilty that I'm not in my hometown. I'm scared to see my mom after the argument last night. I'm excited to work out today. My body has been looking fucking amazing. My abs especially.

I've gotta get an "adult" job after graduation. I'm worried.

I'm going to focus on growing a community rather than numbers.

6:33 a.m - What are you doing? You're wasting time with YouTube and Patreon. You need to find an "adult" job after graduation, or you'll end up broke and depressed! Clearly you're not on track to make any real income from this stuff. You're not even growing. Unless you start uploading content they want to see and stop uploading whatever the fuck, you'll get nowhere. Now get up! Wash your face and brush you teeth and hit the recording studio.

8:23 a.m - Had a nice ab workout. It was kinda hard but... not as hard as usual. Like, it as definetly a challenge but... the entire process felt relaxing rather than intense. Which I'm not sure is a good thing. It was an advanced ab workout from YouTube. Advanced. But it was so manageable. Maybe I need to find a harder workout next time. But my abs look friggin' great regardless! They're so nice and toned, like model abs. My body looks pretty damn good. That's something that I'm proud of. I also called my dad for Father's Day after my workout. That was nice. It's good to hear a supportive voice. I think that combined with my workout made me feel better this morning. I did the dishes afterward. Now I'm gonna make an omelet for breakfast. I've been eating omelets for breakfast because they're healthy and full of protein, which my muscles need after a tough workout. Actually, scratch that. I'm making a BLT.

3:25 p.m: I lost some YouTube subscribers after my last post. But I also gained some. So I'm at the same number that I was before I uploaded. Trying to stay positive... I wish there was a way to make your number of YouTube invisible to yourself.

7:14 p.m: Today was not a healthy eating day. Too much red meat. And a honey bun. And I miss my boyfriend. We saw each other for 2.5 weeks recently, and now we're back to semi-long distance for another month.

7:26 p.m: I regret having those hot dogs.