My Journal

An Average Day in My Head

July 18, 2020 - 2:20 p.m

There's so much that I could be doing right now: writing next week's meeting plans, editing a YouTube video, cleaning my room, or planning my week. Instead I've wasted the last few minutes scrolling through social media.

Nothing good ever comes from my social media breaks. Honestly, I use social media to compare myself to others as a way to assess my progress in life. Where are my peers working? How much money are they making? Are they living on their own yet? Am I on the right track?

I'm well-aware that this is very unproductive and unhealthy, so I've devised a plan to free myself of this damaging addiction: I will deactivate all of my social media accounts on August 1st. It will be incredibly hard to refrain from reactivating, especially around Election Day in November. But I'm committed to ridding myself of those cancerous platforms as soon as possible.

4:49 p.m

I had a short nap and woke up to period cramps; this morning's ibuprofen wore off. I changed into a clean overnight pad and took another dose of ibuprofen. I don't even find my period annoying today. I'm actually relieved that it arrived. Last night I didn't sleep until 1:30 a.m because I convinced myself that my light spotting was implantation bleeding, spotting that occurs when a fertilized egg attaches to one's uterus. Here's what happened:

While changing into a fresh pair of panties before bed, I noticed a tiny amount of blood. My period-tracker app Flo claimed that my period wasn't due for two more days, and I hadn't experienced my usual PMS symptoms—chin acne, tender boobs, cravings, and bloating—at all. Notably, I had (protected) sex 12 days ago, and after doing Googling "period is days early," I learned that implantation bleeding occurs 6-12 days after conception, typically right before one's period. Shit, shit, shit.

I had somewhat of a panic attack for ten minutes and flooded my sleeping boyfriend's messages.

But then I hand-counted the days since the beginning of my last period and realized that 24 days had passed, which is about the length of my period cycle, meaning that I was due for a period today.

This is the third time that I've had a pregnancy scare despite being extra careful during sex. I plan to get on birth control sometime in the fall to save myself the stress in the future. But on another note, I'd love to know why I experienced no PMS symptoms this time around. Not even a pimple! What gives?