12-22-20
No way it's been four months since my last update. No way.
Honestly, my life's been fairly uneventful since I last journaled. And by "uneventful" I mean uneventful in the physical world. Life in my head has been very busy as usual. Since it's been so long, I'll share some highlights in list form:
1. My YouTube channel is growing nicely. I've got such kind viewers. I don't want to reveal the nature of my channel, but it's not your typical vlog/chit-chat channel. It's definitely a quirky channel with a non-traditional niche. Creating content for my channel makes me happy, and being able to earn a bit of money for it is a nice plus!
2. I've decided to pursue voice acting as a post-graduate career. This deserves its own entry, but to sum up the reasoning behind my decision, I didn't want to chase a corporate career that would eventually make me depressed and regretful. I've been doing research on voice-acting careers, and everything about them seems to fit my preferred style of work: flexible, independent, and creative. Plus I've got some voice-acting experience, decent audio-recording equipment, and working knowledge of audio editing. I plan to spend the next 1.5 years preparing myself for a decent career in voice acting after graduation. It sounds ambitious—and it is—but it's a goal that I will aggressively pursue.
3. I've been having a bit of an identity crisis? At least that's what my boyfriend called it. It's really, really hard to explain, but for the past few months, I've been living in a fantasy world. It's likely a coping mechanism; actually, I'm sure it's a coping mechanism. (Escapism?) But it's also not a coping mechanism. I've always been like this to some extent, living in a more interesting and beautiful world in my head. And this is translating into my changing sense of style. Sometimes I feel like I'm a witch, and I recently dressed up in a somewhat "dark" outfit: A black blouse, a lacy black and red choker, red rose studs, black eyeshadow, dark lipstick, temporary red highlights. (Which reminds me, I need to get some lace fingerless gloves.) I looked somewhat goth, which is quite opposite from my personality, but I loved the feeling of embodying a rather hidden version of myself. Many people see me as a quiet, kind, and innocent, but people close to me know that I can sometimes be moody and dark.
But on the flip side, I also feel like a more innocent character in a fantasy film sometimes, often a mermaid, fairy, or princess. There's an inside joke I have with my boyfriend. He'll ask, "Are you Belle or the witch right now?" Belle as in the princess from Beauty and the Beast. My boyfriend is well-aware of my constant shift between my dark, fiery moods and my innocent-yet-disconnected "Belle" moods. Sometimes I'll even tell him that I'm dipping out of reality for awhile, to be either Belle or the witch full-time, and that he's invited to join me in my fantasy world. He just chuckles.
I don't know, this all could be a manifestation of me exploring my identity while simultaneously coping with everything that 2020 has brought, but like I said, I've always engaged in fantasy to some extent. There were times in high school when I'd wear rhinestones on my face and glitter in my hair to bring some of my personal fantasy into this bland world. And now at 20, I'm doing the same. I'm just taking up a notch.
If you were wondering, I've been living as a princess for the past few weeks. I've ordered three more dresses as a result, and I'm dying to order some thigh-highs lined with lace. Who knows how long this phase will last? I don't really care; I'm enjoying myself.
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My Journal
RandomWelcome to my world. It's quite chaotic here but also beautiful and gentle. I hope you stay awhile. Location: U.S Gender: F Age: 22 Grade: college grad MBTI: INFP Major: psychology Likes: furry animals, movies, sweet cream Dislikes: crowds, insects...