My Journal

Hell

November 22, 2019

These past few weeks have been hell. I've been meaning to update you guys, but I've been too overwhelmed to write. So much has happened, and I cannot possible describe every incident in detail. Instead I'll write a brief description for each:

- One Saturday night, my dad calls and delivers some bad news: my grandfather (on my mom's side) had a massive stroke. Now, my grandfather had had a smaller stroke in the past and recovered, so I didn't quite understand the severity of the situation and thus, didn't panic. But when I asked my dad how serious the damage was, he told me that my grandfather might not survive the night. That's when I broke down.

Thankfully, he survived the night. I flew home from campus late on Monday night (late, I know) and visited him in the hospital with my mom, dad, sister, and aunt on Tuesday morning. Seeing him in that condition immediately brought me to tears. He was seemingly semi-conscious. He couldn't open his eyes or talk, but he could respond to voices by moving his right arm and leg. (His left side was paralyzed.) He had to use a breathing and feeding tube and receive medication through his IV tubes to survive. Fortunately, though, he wasn't in any pain.

His heart rate spiked when he heard me crying. My mom insisted that he had been waiting for me to visit. After I calmed down, I talked to him about my classes and career goals and things, and his heart rate remained elevated. At one point, my mom even had to get the nurse because his heart rate jumped too high. He was excited to see me. I shouldn't have been late.

He died peacefully that afternoon, the first major death in my family. His funeral was the following week on Thursday. Everyone handled it differently. My closest cousin and I were criers; my mom mentioned how much she missed him every thirty minutes; my grandma didn't seem sad, just grateful that he lived a good life with her. (We think my grandma might've seen his death coming long before it did.) Regardless of how we coped, we all agreed that we were going to miss my grandfather.

- After my grandfather's burial, my family went to my grandmother's house to debrief. That's when my uncle decided to violate me in my newly deceased grandfather's doorway. Yup, during a hug goodbye, he rubbed his disgusting thing against my thigh through my pants. I reflexively pushed him away and sat back down at my grandfather's desk in shock before warning him to "never, ever do that again." He then proceeded to try to have a conversation with me as if he had not just sexually assaulted me! I yelled at him to leave, shut the door, and cried.

Later, I told my mother what my creepy uncle had done, and she told my annoying uncle to scold my creepy uncle. (Apparently, my creepy uncle is afraid of my annoying uncle.) She told me to refrain from telling my grandma because she didn't want her to be overwhelmed, especially because my grandfather had just died. She also told me not to tell my dad because she thought that he wouldn't be able to handle it, but I told him anyway. He was disappointed, and he said he'd watch my uncle at all times from then on. As of right now—little over a week later—nobody has mentioned the situation.

Honesty, much more has stressed me out over the last few weeks, but I don't have the energy to write about it all. I've been typing this entry for a couple of days now, and as each day passes, I encounter more stressors. Instead of trying to document each of the stressors in this entry, I'll start updating each night again so that I can record them in real time. That way, it will be much easier to go in-depth about each. Goodnight. Sleep tight. Hopefully I'll write tomorrow.