My Journal

He's In Love With Her

August 7, 2019

I am reluctant to publish today's entry in fear of being judged, but no matter how shameful and/or embarrassing my experiences are, I owe it to you guys to share them. I started this journal to allow others to learn vicariously through me, so why wouldn't I write about my toughest situations, the ones readers can learn the most from?

Today, I woke up to a new post from my ex's girlfriend. Now, as I opened Instagram, a voice in my head warned me that I'd be upset if I checked her profile, so what did I do? I checked her profile. Sure enough, there was a new multi-photo post: two selfies and a screenshot of a single text message that read "I am in love with you."

At first, I was in denial. That can't be my ex. He never uses punctuation in his texts. But then I thought, who else would that be? Then I just rested silently on my bed in deep thought.

My boyfriend had been on the phone with me the entire time; we sleep on call with each other every night. I debated whether or not to tell him. If I told him, he'd be disappointed that I had checked her profile, but if I didn't, he'd notice that I was upset and wonder what's wrong.

So I decided to tell him. Although he was frustrated that I had been cyber-stalking my ex, he was understanding. This was not the first time I struggled with my feelings toward my ex during our relationship. I assure you, I am no longer in love with my ex, but I can't seem to accept that he has "forgotten" me. No, he does not think about me. No, he does not wonder how I'm doing. No, he does not want to talk to me. He's moved on, and I must do the same.

My feelings toward my ex are convoluted. There's much more to this story, but like I mentioned in a previous entry, I cannot explain everything in words. Perhaps you can piece together more of the story as you read through the rest of my entries.

August 9, 2019

I'm continuing this entry two days later. Anyway, two days ago, my boyfriend encouraged me to delete all my "stalker" accounts. I deleted my fake Facebook, Snapchat, and Twitter. Additionally, I blocked my ex and his girlfriend on my main accounts. I vowed to stop the cyber-stalking completely, cold turkey. As of today, I haven't checked their accounts. It's been mildly difficult, but I'm practicing self control. I'll update my boyfriend on my progress in one week. I'm so thankful for him. Not everyone is as patient as he is.