𝐃𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐬 ✦ 𝐏𝐚𝐯𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐯𝐬𝐤𝐲

17. 𝘭𝘰𝘸

Saturday
April 3, 2021
11:29 pm - 1:04 am

[ Boris ] 

Y/n is so sad, she won't move from her spot. I finally have her home from the hospital and she can barely eat.

I sat next to her in bed and handed her a picture I drew.

"Birds. For you." I whispered.

"Boris..." Y/n opened the paper and looked at all the birds. I'm almost out of papers in my new sketchbook but I don't want to tell her.

She just studied them and then looked back at me.

"I love them." She whispered, sitting up.

Y/n kissed me and I happily kissed her back. I expected a long kiss but Y/n laid down, turning her back to me.

I sat there for a moment before nodding.

I stood up and left my room.

My dad was standing in the hall and I timidly stared at him. He motioned me to come over and I shook my head. He walked over and grabbed my hair, yanking me down the stairs.

I stumbled, falling down most of the stairs but not really falling because he was holding my hair. When we got to the living room he smacked me.

I didn't touch my cheek or anything because it'd only provoke him.

Maybe I deserve this...

He hit me at full force quite a few times. It felt like my nose was broken. He shoved me and I fell hard on my ass, subconsciously scooting away from him.

He grabbed my leg and pulled me back to him, kicking me.

I gasped and he continued to kick me.

Y/n isn't here to save me...

I looked up at the stairs and the feeling on my dad's boot coming in contact with my face knocked me out.

. . .

When I woke up, I was alone.

I got up and limped over to the counter, grabbing the pack of cigarettes off of it. I dug through the drawers and found a lighter.

I left my house, tucking the cigarettes into the waistband of my pants.

I lit the one I kept and tears rolled down my face.

Why? Why? Why? Why?

I grabbed at my hair for a moment before hitting myself in the head.

Why am I never good enough?

I grabbed a rock from the side of the road and laughed at my stupidity for a moment.

I stood there for a moment, crying harder than I realized I was, looking around at the dark street.

I clutched the rock in my hand for a moment before starting to hit myself with it.

I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't do it anymore. I can't even make Y/n happy so why am I living? I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to wake up, I don't want to disappoint anyone anymore, I want to be ok.

A hand grabbed my arm and I stopped.

When I turned I almost immediately passed out.

Y/n grabbed me, holding me up right.

I hugged her, playing with her hair to comfort myself. I didn't want to cry in front of her but it was all coming out.

"I'm sorry, Boris." Y/n whispered.

I nodded and smiled, staring at the moon.

"I am sorry too." I replied in the same low whisper.

Y/n rubbed my back and I started to breakdown even more.

"I thought... You would die." I could barely even speak right. "You did not see yourself. You fell so hard... And for a moment you moved but then the blood... So much blood... You just stopped and I thought that was it. Every day I slept in bed with you. Because... If it was last night... I- I- Didn't want you to be alone." I cried.

Y/n pulled away and grabbed my cheeks.

"Thank you."

. . .

[ Narrator ]

Y/n and Boris laid in bed together. Y/n had cleaned Boris up. He had done quite a number on himself.

He needed 7 stitches.

Y/n rubbed his back, her head on his chest.

Boris sniffled and tried to not cry anymore. He had both his arms and legs around Y/n, hugging her tightly.

Y/n was trying her best to stay awake but was struggling.

Boris kissed her head and smiled through his tears.

Even though everything happens the way it does in his life... When he lays in bed with Y/n, holding her like this...

Sometimes he wishes this was how they'd die.

Together.

Holding each other.

Boris's eyelids felt heavy and he gladly shut them. He hasn't gotten more than 2 hours of sleep a night since the accident.

Y/n rubbed her head against his chest, getting comfortable again.

She sighed and lightly kissed his chest.

"I love you, Boris." She mumbled, tracing a heart into his back.

Boris laughed and kissed her head, wiping his eyes.

"I love you too."