Changes of the Heart (FanFic)

Chapter 28

CHAPTER 28

    

I sat on the couch. For some unfathomable reason, my room seemed more uncomfortable than out here in the living room. Maybe it was because my room held more of a being-by-myself feeling, and in the living room, I had happy, cheerful memories of not being alone. I wrapped my arms around myself and rested my head on my knees, letting myself crying quietly and softly. I had been feeling so stressed lately. It had built up, and now this thing had brought it all to the surface, I just needed a good cry to let it all out. Then I’d be fine…I’d be fine…

I heard a door click closed and light footsteps come down the hall.

“Sun-hi?” Changmin said gently. “Are you crying? What’s wrong?”

I turned away from him, leaning my back against the arm of the couch. I felt my reason was pitiful and I didn’t want him to see my face.

“Please, Changmin, go away?”

“You can talk to me, Sun-hi. I’m here for you.”

“I don’t want you to see me like this!”

“Then I won’t look.” He sat on the floor with his back against the edge of the couch, so that if the couch wasn’t separating us, we’d be back-to-back.

I sniffed and wiped the back of my hand across my face.

“It’s stupid…”

“I don’t think so. Any tiny reason that makes you sad is very important to me.” He told me.

Somehow that made me feel a little bit better.

I took a deep breath and explained, “I’ve just been feeling…a bit stressed recently and that’s been building up. I miss my family, especially my mom. She’s the one I could always talk to when I’m dealing with something like this. But she’s so far away now… Then earlier tonight I got an e-mail from my dad. My mom fell down the stairs. She got a concussion and sprained her ankle and broke her arm. She’ll be ok—she’s recovering at home now. My dad just wanted to let me know… When I read that, I wanted so badly to be there for her. To take care of her until she’s all better. I never before thought of my mom as being able to get hurt. She was invincible in my mind…until now. I don’t like thinking of her in pain after all the pain she’s help me through. I miss her so much…and my dad too. I mean, I always miss them, but it’s like an ok kind of missing. I know I’ll always have them in my heart; I’ll always be thinking of them. But right now, it’s worse. It’s not an ok kind of missing. It for a like a heart-hurting kind of missing. My mom would sing to me or tell me stories to help me sleep at night when I was little. And when I got older, I’d stroke her hair and hum to her when she couldn’t sleep. I really miss that… I feel like such a little girl missing them like this.” I shook my head at myself and wiped my face dry.

Just getting all of that off my chest and being able to confide in some made me feel so much better. But tears still rolled down my cheeks. Somehow, just sitting there in the stillness of the night and knowing Changmin was there was helping just as well as if he had the perfect comforting words to say to me. Just him and me, in silence and darkness. Then Changmin started quietly to hum. I couldn’t make out what tune it was, I could only hear his sweet voice, and it brought me peace. Then he sang. He sang a lullaby for me. The same lullaby I’d hummed the night he couldn’t sleep and I stroked his hair. I leaned my head back and listened. I turned my head to look at him. All I could see what his hair. I closed my eyes and let myself smile, then opened them again and looked back at him. I suddenly felt and calm and sleep. My eyes slowly closed and dosed off. I heard the last of his song and I felt him pull a blanket over me. I slept soundly on the couch, dreaming of both Changmin and my mom singing to me. In the morning, I woke up before anyone else could see me on the couch wondered why Changmin had come out to the living last night in the first place. He couldn’t have heard me crying. Had something in him told I needed someone to be there for me? I glad. I closed my eyes smiled. I didn’t think of how stiff I was, having slept all curled on the couch last night. I could only think of Changmin’s amazing voice and how he had sung me to sleep. How he had been able to sing my worries away.