Chances (changbin fanfic)

26

We were sitting like that for another 10 minutes, when I thought it would be good to end it like that.

"I'll probably take a bath and watch a movie or take a nap," I said when I pulled away from him.

"Of course," he said and he slowly moved his hand up and down my cheek. I could feel that I hardly blushed when he did that.
I could see his smile turning into a little smirk.

"Can I come tomorrow?" he said suddenly.

"I don't know. I think I'll call Changbin in the evening."

"Oh okay," he said and he stood up from the couch, "take care okay? bye," he said with his warm smile again and left my house.

Weird.

I made myself a very bubbly bath and I was laying there to the point where water started to be cold. It took me probably an hour. I then wrapped myself in soft towel and layed under blankets in my bed. I turned on my TV and I chose some new cartoon on Netflix.

It was already 6PM when I decided to call him.

He picked up after few seconds but he didn't say anything.

"Are you mad?"

Nothing.

"Hello? Do you hear me?"

"Yes," he said quietly.

"Are you mad?" I repeated.

"Are you okay?" he asked without answering my question.

"No."

"Me neither."

"What are you doing?"

"Just sitting on my bed, boys went out to have dinner. You?"

"Watching a movie," I said quietly.

"Chan hyung was with you earlier?"

"Yes."

"Because?"

"He wanted to walk me home and he stayed a while."

"Oh," he said uninterested. It wasn't hard to guess that he was probably very jealous right now.

I would never want to make him jealous. I know jealousy hurts bad, but seeing him jealous was attractive.

"Don't be jealous," I chuckled softly.

"Did he do something?"

"He was hugging me and when he was about to leave he caressed my cheek a little...well, okay, I blushed, but it was because like no one ever touches me like that except you, I didn't like it but I didn't expect it. And he smirked and asked if he can come tomorrow but I said that I don't know and that I'll call you," I explained quickly, I didn't want to make him mad. I'm still taking it like Channie didn't mean to make any move on me, just to make me feel better because of my crying.

"I don't care what we were arguing about okay? That still doesn't change the fact that you're mine."

"I'm yours you know that, but it still matters what we were arguing about."

"Because you don't listen to me."

I didn't answer.

"Can I come over?" he asked after few seconds of silence.

"I don't know," I said, I really wanted him to come, but it's hard to talk to him without thinking about the same thing again and again.

"Tomorrow then?"

I was quiet.
I was confused.
I loved him but it was only one sided.
Again.

"I want to be just friends."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, but you're acting like I wouldn't want you because of some fans following me. I don't know how long would you like to pretend that you're just ordinary boy.  I'm falling in love with you more and more and if you decided all of this 3 months from now, I don't know if I could do it..."

I love you too Minji

"...I think it'll be better for both of us. Decide what you really want from me, if you really like me the way that you said and if you're ready and capable of bringing me into your life like that. If don't, we can stay friends, but I don't want to be stuck in the limbo okay?" I said. I was trying really hard not to break in the middle of my speech. It would be better like this. I can't stand kissing him and know that he doesn't love me.

"Okay," he said quietly. I hurt his feelings aparently.

"Good night Changbin," I said quieter than him.

"Good night Minji," he said back and hung up the phone right after.

The second I put my phone on the bedside table I started crying uncontrollably. It didn't take long until my white pillow was completely wet.
I was tightly squeezing the soft blue stuffed pokemon he gave me, trying to softly inhale his scent the toy still had. It was making me feel calmer each second.

Why this is so hard?
Why the only person who makes me feel safe doesn't love me back?
Why me?

This endless sore thoughts were haunting me and messing with my head, until I slowly drifted away to sleep.