Help Me

Chapter 36

Why does he like you.
You're such a burden to him.
You hang out with all of the guys. What a wh*re.
You should k*ll yourself

I woke up panting and sweating in a panic. Joonie had to work today. They are supposed to practice choreography, vocals, and basically the whole concert. I don't want to wake him up. I walked over to the bathroom attached to our room.

I closed the door and sat down on the floor. My breathing was picking up and my hands were shaking. Tears unconsciously filled my eyes. They started to fall. I didn't even bother to wipe them away.

Not until I heard footsteps approaching the bathroom

There was a knock at the door "Baby? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"You just weren't in bed."

"I'm okay. You should go back to sleep. Your schedule is packed tomorrow."

"Okay. I will, but you need rest too baby."

"I'll be out in a minute, don't worry Joonie."

His voice sounded tired. I knew that he would fall asleep quickly. His footsteps started to diminish. When I knew that he was asleep, I let my emotions take over again.

I felt as if I wasn't good enough for Joon.
He is so perfect. He accepts everyone. He is so loving to bangtan and me. The boys admire the leader that he is. The way that he looks at them shows his love.

When they look at him, the adoration couldn't be more obvious. His smile lights up the whole room. I don't deserve the perfect man that sleeps next to me every night. These thoughts were never ending.

I started looking for something sharp. Feeling like a burden and a failure was just too overwhelming. I was about to hurt myself when...

Then the door opened. "Baby. When are you coming back-" I looked up in shock. "What are you doing?" He said calmly but still concerned.

He swiftly took the object out of my hand.

"I'm sorry"

"No. Don't be sorry baby. It's okay." He immediately hugged me.

"I'm sorry for waking you"

"I'm not worried about it." He paused. "Let's get out of here." I nodded. Tears were still cascading down my cheeks. He wiped some of them away.

He picked me up and moved me to the couch that was place outside of the bathroom. "I'm glad I got to you in time."

"I know." His eyes were quickly scanning me making sure that I wasn't hurt anywhere. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" He looked up and into my eyes.

"I'm just being a burden."

"No you're not babygirl." He held my hand. "You have not and never will be a burden to me. I love you with all of my heart."

"But you're so perfect. I'm just... broken." I looked down at my lap. He used his hand to lift my chin.

"You are not broken. You were lost and now I'm helping you find yourself. I am also anything but perfect. I am constantly self criticizing myself. The only perfect thing in my life is you."

"I almost hurt myself because I was mad at myself for burdening you. Now I'm mad at myself for trying to hurt myself because that hurts you too."

"That's okay. That means that you know that it's bad for you. I know that it seems like failure, but it's not. I do have one question though. Were you going to tell me if you did hurt yourself?"

"I was gonna wait until after your tour. I'm not exactly happy that we're both awake. Especially you."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you to be stressed. I want you to be well rested."

"You are my energy babygirl. You are all that I need. You make me feel loved and happy. I know that you love me for me and not for my lifestyle."

"What are you talking about? You are so humble with everything that you have. You are inspirational."

"Thank you baby, but you are my inspiration. Now I'm going to make sure Tannie is at rehearsal tomorrow." He wouldn't let go of my hand.

I pulled Joon's arms so I could hug him. He instantly hugged me back as one of his hands went to the back of my head.

"Come here." He quite swiftly pulled me up into his arms, spinning in a circle. I instinctively held onto his neck while giggling. He leaned down and kissed my lips. "I love you so much baby."

"I love you too."

"We still have a few hours to rest. I'll wake you up in the morning okay. Don't worry about the alarm."

I yawned while saying okay.

Namjoon's POV:
"I love you baby. Let's go to sleep now. Okay?" She slightly nodded while falling asleep in my arms. I got into bed and kept her on my chest.

I didn't want to work tomorrow. I know that she'll be okay, but I will be worried. I'm definitely going to gravitate towards Yoongi hyung tomorrow. Y/n's most comfortable around him.