Help Me

Chapter 33

Y/n's POV:
I couldn't sleep last night. I chose to move to the living room, so Joon could sleep peacefully. My thoughts just wouldn't stop racing.

"Y/n, what are you doing up?"

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"No. I had to use the bathroom and you weren't in bed. What are you thinking about?"

"Life."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He came and sat next to me. My hands were shaking, which he noticed. "Baby you're shaking." He held my hands and tried to look into my eyes.

"We didn't tell your parents."

"Tell them what?"

"About us. We let them find out from the media."

"I told them about you a while ago."

"You did?"

"Yes. They love you already by the way. I'm guessing that you didn't tell your family about us."

I looked down at my lap. "They wouldn't have believed me. You've been my bias for a while. It would be absurd if they believed me. I also don't have the best relationship with them."

"That's fine. I want you to tell them if you want to. They don't follow anything BTS related, you've told me that, so they don't know. No one has your picture out there anyway."

"Yeah" I was still thinking.

"What else is going on in your beautiful brain? Y/n? Baby?"

I had zoned out. "Huh. Oh, sorry Joon."

"Seriously. What's going on?"

"Nothing. I promise."

"Why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not. I'm finally getting tired. That's all."

"I don't mean to pry, but you're not telling the truth. Your hands are still shaking and you're breathing quite heavily."

"Can we just" sigh "I don't know, Joon. I don't want to talk about this right now."

"I don't even know what we're talking about baby." He was so calm and gentle.

"Joonie. You look exhausted. We can talk about this later. Okay?"

"I want you to be okay. You are internalizing your emotions. I need to know that you'll be okay if I fall asleep."

"Oh my gosh." I stood up from the couch.

"Y/n please don't do this. Last time, you told me you were okay, and I left. I left and then you hurt yourself. You got lucky that hyung showed up."

"I wasn't going to kill myself. I thought you of all people would understand that I hate being treated like this."

"Y/n I do know. I just don't want to loose you." He stood up and walked over to me. He gently grabbed hold of my hands. "You mean the world to me, babygirl. The thought of you in pain scares me."

"I know. There are just some things that I'm not ready to talk about yet."

"Ok. Then we won't talk." He smirked making me confused. He let go of my hands and held my face. He pulled me in to a sweet and captivating kiss. We both started to smile into the kiss.

We pulled away. I looked down while blushing. He lifted my chin, "I love making you blush." I felt my cheeks heat up even more. I turned my head to the side only for it to be pulled back onto his lips.

I giggled into the kiss. I could feel the pure love between us. I pulled away while he whined. "I'm sorry Joon."

"You should be. Your kisses woke me up. I guess we'll just have to continue." I kept a hand placed on his firm chest.

"No Joon. I mean for earlier. I can feel our love. I shouldn't be afraid to talk to you." I held his hand and moved towards the couch.

"You know that I love kids. You do too. I just can't have them. And I know that this is a conversation for later, but you're right. I am anxious about it." I took a deep breath.

"I can't have kids. And it's not like I'm infertile, I just promised myself not to." He looked at me confused. "I have awful genetics. I also have PTSD and a bunch of other health issues.

PTSD can be genetically inherited. So can depression. I promised myself to give a child the best chance at a happy and healthy life. My own biology could break that promise.

I rather adopt children or use a surrogate egg instead. I just can't end a life before it even starts."

"Okay"

"What?"

"Okay. Baby, if you want to help someone that is already born, then we can do that. As long as we have some kids in the future, I'm okay. Especially if it keeps you healthy. You would have to get off your antidepressants if you got pregnant. I won't let that happen."

I immediately pulled in for a kiss. "Thank you." I whispered.

"Of course babygirl. Now come on. Let's get some sleep." He picked me up from the couch. I wrapped my arms and legs around him as he carried me to his bedroom.

He pulled me close to his chest and kissed my forehead. "Goodnight babygirl."

"Goodnight Joonie" we soon both fell into dreamland.