No Rules

Chapter 25

Yeonjun POV

Some members are worried that Beomgyu is nowhere to be found, but I feel more than worried, I'm scared. Realizations hit me. Beomgyu was never okay and those smiles he showed were no hint of sincerity. We've been so busy that each of the members struggled physically and emotionally.

I ran anywhere inside the building, thinking where Beomgyu could be. Then I saw outside the thick glass a tall building, a rooftop. A memory then flashed when Taehyun said that Beomgyu had always been on the rooftop after practice. He ran immediately upstairs only to be stopped by a security guard.

"I'm sorry sir, but you can't go to the rooftop."

"But I think my friend was there. Please just let me check." I begged with much desperation and panic, the guard looked at me confusingly.

"I'm sorry but the company strictly said not to let anyone there."

I was shaking and a lot of thoughts came into my head

//flashbacks

Beomgyu: "Babe, I'm not okay."

Soobin: "I shouldn't be telling you this but Beomgyu was acting so differently in the show...I tried getting closer to him and he froze and he started shaking and tears were forming in his eyes..."

Taehyun: "He always sleeps and seems so tired."

Kai: "He smiled at me and then it fades immediately."

Beomgyu: "I'm sorry, it's all my fault"

Anonymous caller: "Are you still alive faggot?!"

"I'm sorry, don't hide anything from me. Don't hide your pain from me." He lied.

No Beomgyu won't do that, I denied it all I can but I started crying and I forced myself to pass through the guard.

"Please, please let me pass through, my friend, he could be there!" I shouted, the guard can't do anything but let me open the door.

I found Beomgyu on the edge of the building, he was crying he was looking down and I heard him shout and laugh painfully.

"What is that a sign universe?!"

My eyes are blurry and his words are filled with sorrow.

"Beomgyu! Please." He looked back at me, his face stained with tears. He was wearing a thin white shirt in this cold weather. I wanted to run towards him but I couldn't. I know that a single step would take me away from what I love.

"Hyung" His voice cracked and he was sobbing even more.

"Hyung, I tried to fight it, I tried but why isn't it working for me? Every time I wake up I can feel the heaviness in my chest. Sometimes it's hard to breathe. I tried to ignore all the voices inside my head but the voices grew even louder."

I was listening to him and my heart breaks piece by piece to hear him break down in front of me. I wasn't there, I couldn't do anything for him, I wasn't enough. I stopped my thoughts when he said.

"Baby, don't blame yourself. I'm weak, life is too cruel or even I am cruel to myself. If you haven't heard that anonymous caller I wouldn't have changed my number. Honestly, for the first month after that happened, I was lurking around in social media, and the more I read about hate comments the more I hated myself."

"I asked myself, why does loving feel like a sin? Does it ever affect people's lives when we love other people? I have a lot of questions in my mind that I even questioned my worth in the team. People saw me as a visual in the group with a pretty face but never did they acknowledge me for my talent, people calling me useless. Maybe, it's true...I don't know"

He's crying so hard, I can see that he's having a hard time breathing. I walked towards him.

"Stop! Don't get near me, please" Beomgyu begged.

"Baby, please let's talk."

He was now holding his chest and the wind became heavier and stronger. He laughed quietly.

"Look, even the universe doesn't want me"

It's so painful to watch. I ran towards him and hugged him. I lifted him and planted his feet on the ground. He was crying so hard as he buried his face in my neck.

"Hyung, it's painful"

"Shhh, I know. Beomgyu please breathe okay?"

He's trying to make his breathing normal when I feel more tears streaming down my face. I took my jacket off and placed it on Beomgyu's shoulder. I hugged him tighter.

"I was scared," I whisper.

"I'm scared that I'll lose you. Please promise me don't ever hurt yourself. Please Beomgyu don't ever leave me" I mumbled, my voice shaking. Our cries are even louder than the hustle of the city.

"From the moment I saw you I knew I wanted to take care of you. When I kiss you I know that my lips fit yours perfectly. If ever I'm given a chance to live again, Beomgyu you know I'll choose you."

"Who cares when people doesn't accept you, a lot of people love you. Me, the members, your family...and toto. Beomgyu it's okay to be weak sometimes, but we will be stronger okay?"

"Beomgyu, I was really scared, it breaks my heart to see you like this. It made me so mad at the people who treat you like shit when they don't even know how precious you are, how precious you are to me."

Beomgyu was now breathing normally, he cupped my face and told me.

"Let's break up."