Cadence ( Part 2 of Rhythm ) Completed*

Chp 18: Rivet

Ian's pacing the area he feels penned into. Sure, he could walk away, go down the hall or out the doors, but this small strip of space is the closest he's able to get to Mickey.

The ride in the ambulance had been fine. Thankfully the EMTs deemed both Ava and Mickey stable during the route to the hospital. They allowed Mickey to keep Ava close to his chest, keeping up their skin-to-skin contact for the entire ride. Whatever safety qualms they had, the fear of heat loss and breathing irregularities in a premature newborn baby overrode them. Mickey's bleeding was under control but he had lost a significant amount. Ian'd never seen Katie's cool demeanor slip away like it had, so he knows they are dealing with something serious.

Ava was quiet the entire ride. But all of that - the skin contact, Mickey's protective hold, the calm - ended the moment they arrived at the hospital. For as tiny as her lungs are, Ava wailed loud enough to make his ears ring when she's removed from Mickey's arms. She's whisked off to the NICU and Mickey is taken into an exam room. Ian feels completely torn because it is physically impossible to be with his daughter and boyfriend at the same time. He follows Mickey but is promptly denied entry while the doctors work; they'll let him in as soon as they deem it safe.

Telling Ian what to do, in the tone he was told, has the exact opposite result. Ian rages. It's probably a mix of the day's pent up fear and anxiety coming to a head. He's pushed it so far down, held it together for Mickey and their daughter, and now it's almost combustible. He punches the wall beside Mickey's room without consciously deciding on the act.

Ian has definitely seen enough blood coming out of Mickey's body to last him a lifetime. And now he's watching his own seep out from his knuckles. It's a slow trickle, but still there. He looks a mess; his shirt and thighs of his pants are covered with the stains of Ava's birth. Adding a little more blood to the mix probably isn't noticeable.

He hates that he let his impulses take control like they did but he couldn't help it. Being told that he had to step away from Mickey opened the floodgates to his anger. At the current moment, the last thing he had any intention of doing was putting space between himself and Mickey. And he stupidly took that frustration out on the wall.

Neither of them like hospitals very much, hence why delivering at Katie's practice is a perfect solution for Mickey. Yet, here they are. Ian's head is spinning. His heart crumples when he thinks about how vulnerable Mickey is right now. Mickey's too exhausted to protect himself and too alone to have Ian do that for him. They're interconnected in a multitude of fucked up ways and all of this reads wrong to Ian.

But he can't do anything about it because he's stuck out here.

He slams a fist into the wall again, earning himself a dozen looks, but the sob that comes out of his mouth must do something to placate them, no one actually moves to act. There's a new smear of his own blood on the wall and seeing the color jolts him from his anger. He opens up his palm and there is residue in that same vivid color there. It's Ava's or, more accurately, Mickey's. It shocks him back into feeling helpless. He lets out a strangled cry that echoes down the hallway, collapses his back against the wall and slides down to the ground. Sitting in a dejected heap, he uses his clean hand to cover his eyes. "Fuck," he breathes out in broken sounds.

Mickey has to be alright. Katie, who he has a hell of a lot of faith in, told Ian that Mickey would be fine. They both trust her. But Ian hasn't been given confirmation of that and the world feels like it's shrinking. It's hard to breathe if he can't share the air with Mickey.

He spirals for an indeterminable period of time, pulled out of it by the sound of heavy footfalls.

"Sir?" The man who had barred him access to Mickey's room is looking down at him. He crouches to the ground so they're down on the same level. "It's Ian, right?"