Dear Katherine,
This is me. Your younger self at 18. I don't have any idea what difficult situation you're in but believe me, I'm in the same situation and I made it. I survived. Firstly because we're the same person. Secondly, we aren't weak.
I sighed and closed the old diary I never thought I still have.
Napabuntong hininga ako.
Have you lost someone that made you lost a part of yourself?
Have you been crying in your sleep?
Have you been wanting to go back time? to see him again? even just for a millisecond?
Because I did. And I am.
I lost him. And I've been cursing myself since. I can't locked my memories nor fool myself that I'm fine.
And there's a word that keeps me hurting.
" Be well, my star."
The pain is beyond description. If there is a feeling beyond torment then that might be the closest definition there is.
His smell. His deep voice. His messy hair. His usual blacks. His cold stares. Even his gentle lips and his soft caress to my skin.
Everything about him delineate pain.
" He's not eating. Shall I call Chester?"
Nagbalik ako sa reyalidad nang magsalita si kuya Kalen habang karga ang 6 -year old kong anak.
" Wag na. Masyadong busy si kuya. Ako na ang bahala dyan," I said.
" I'm here."
Napalingon kami kay Kuya Chester na kararating lang. I greeted him with a smile.
He's wearing a blue suit, looking exhausted yet captivating.
" Uncle-daddy!"
Zero stretched his arms towards him. Kinuha naman ito ni Chester mula kay Kalen at kinarga.
" Kumusta si Zero?" tanong niya kay kuya Kalen.
" Bumaba na ang lagnat niya kaso hindi pa rin kumakain."
Tumango lang si kuya.
" Magpahinga ka muna. Luke is on the way. Kami na ang bahala kay Zero," he said to me.
" Ilang gabi kang walang tulog kaya magpahinga ka muna," - Kalen.
Chester owned a car company now. Kalen become a lawyer. Luke works in a junk shop still. Ryu became a science teacher.
I smiled.
" Okay lang naman ako. Anak ko yan," I said.
"Stop being stubborn," sita niya saken.
" You may be a mother now, but you're still a baby girl to us," dagdag ni Kalen. " Ayiieeh. "
Natawa ako.
"Sira. Oo na. Aakyat na ako sa kwarto," I said and stood up from my seat.
" Sleep well, Mama."
That's my son, Zero Zehan. 14 ang ninong niya kasi lahat ng Aconites ay required maging ninong.
Manang-mana siya kay Zse. From head to foot, copy paste talaga. Mapili din sa pagkain tulad ng papa niya kaya masyadong challenging. He rarely eat even my brother's cooking. So I used to have lots of cuts and burns in my hand while trying to cook.
Pagkarating ko sa kwarto ay tiningnan ko ang cellphone. Tons of messages arrived.
[ Bibisita ako dyan]
