The Girl With the Cross

Chapter 13: Tyler

  After dinner, we walk around outside for a bit. It's not very cold outside yet, so it's nice. We stay in silence for a bit because I usually let the girl talk so she thinks I'm a good listener, but Sarah doesn't seem to be like that: another thing different about her that I haven't really seen before.

  "So, how was dinner?" I ask, swooping in to hold her hand, but she pulls away and a moment of sheer panic I remember what her dad said about these kinds of things. I step away from her slightly. Suddenly feeling overwhelmed with guilt discomfort.

  "It was great, thank you again." Sarah replies, happily.

  "No complaints? Nothing?" I ask. She laughs gently.

  "Why would there be?" She asks. This confuses me. Every girl I've ever went on a date with starts a conversation with how bad the food or the service or something else was. Even if it was great food. They always seem to complain, to gossip, but Sarah is so grateful for everything.

  "So, how many boyfriends did you have before me? How many kisses on the lips?" I ask in a playfully voice. I keep forgetting that she isn't like me before I say or ask something dumb.

  "Zero boyfriends, never kissed a boy-- not even on the cheek. How about you?" She asks. Her response is so innocent I almost have to stop.

  "I've had too many to count. I've kissed girls even if we aren't a couple, but that was before I met you obviously. I know I'm not allowed to be crazy with you. Your dad would kill me. Literally." I laugh. She smiles and laughs a little, too. I think this is one of the only times where I know for sure she fell for me a little. This is the kind of time I need to act quick.

  "It's nice outside isn't it?" I ask. It's one of my tricks. They say 'oh, it's perfect' or something like that, and then I kiss their hand and say 'but that's not the only thing that's perfect.' They fall for it every time even though it's cringy.

  "It's beautiful. Wait wait wait; let me guess what you're going to say: something along the lines of 'it's not the only thing that's beautiful' and then you'll do something romantic. Danie warned me about it." She says, but not in a serious tone.

  She stole the words right out of my mouth

  "Well, I mean I guess it's true." I smile. She smiles back.

  "Tyler, I really like you. I really, truly do. It's just hard to be able to trust you, I guess." She looks away. This is unexpected to hear right after such a great night so far.

  "What?" I ask, confused, shocked, and quite honestly a little hurt.

  "I mean, you've dated and dumped so many girls that you can't even count them: you just said it yourself a few minutes ago. It's like a routine for you. I'm not sure I'm ready for the aftereffects of a relationship yet." She says. I can tell she's more worried than she is actually confident that she doesn't want me as her first boyfriend.

  "You know what? No. Sarah, you don't understand; you are like no other girl I've ever met before and I hardly even know you." I say, talking fast. "Sarah, please look at me." I say, gently lift her chin so we make eye contact. "I would never hurt you." I say, quiet but firm.
  "And what if I don't believe you?" She asks, softly with eyes getting teary.
  "If you give me a chance, I can make you believe." I say, wiping her tears away with my thumbs. Her face seems so small in my hands. I desperately want to kiss her, but I know I shouldn't, and I fight the temptation.
  "See? Right there. You--you're just--ugh." She pulls away.
  "I'm what?" 
  "You're just so good at what you do and it makes me mad!" She looks away as if she's scolding herself. "It's like when I'm around you, I'm desperate to get away-- to safety, to comfort-- but when I'm away from you, I feel like I can't live. It's like I leave and all I see is you in my mind. I don't even know  you and you're the only person I can think about-- the only person I see." She says, flustered.
  "But are you enjoying it?" I ask, trying my hardest to hold in the smile because this could be the most adorable thing I've seen.
  "It's like staring at temptation itself." She says, nodding. I smile, and so does she--but just a little. She's at war with herself.
  "Well I'm enjoying you, too." I smirk, getting lost in her eyes again.
  "I gotta go." She says, not really looking up at me. She starts walking away which I guess shows that she doesn't want a drive home, but she stops for a second: like a force has pressed the pause button on her.
  "I'll see you on Sunday." She says.
  "I'll be there." I smile. She takes one last, long look at me, and walks away. Heading home.