The Girl With the Cross

Chapter 29: Tyler

  Today is the day; the day I get her father to like me, the day she can officially be called my girlfriend, the day I give my heart completely to God like I should have done years ago.

  As I walk over to her house, the wave of anxiousness washes over me again. I've prayed about being baptized, felt good about doing this, but what if I don't really change fully like I promised God and Sarah I would? I've been the bad boy for a very long time, and the thought of giving all of that up terrifies me for the briefest moment until I reassure myself that my old life is nothing. I was nothing. It's time for a change.

   The moment I see Sarah I begin to run faster, faster, faster until I reach her. I hold her waist, lift her up and twirl her around like the princess she is.

  "Happy Birthday, beautiful." I smile, elated just to see her bright, breathtaking face. Her light, flowy dress twirls with her and I notice how it brings out her eyes.

  "Why thank you." She laughs.

  "You two are adorable, but if you want to make it to your own baptisms, we better get a move on." Her mother continues. I keep forgetting that Sarah is also getting baptized today.

  I hurry to put the presents I have for Sarah and her family in the back, and we take off. For Sarah, I got a diamond cross necklace; for Mrs. Williams, a matching cross necklace just like the one Sarah has now; and for Mr. Williams, an expensive tie that I wanted to get for my own dad since the birthday after my mother died. I've worked a few different jobs in the past year or two that I never spent any of the money made from and now I'm so glad I had saved it for something special like this instead of always wasting it on cigarettes like JC.

  I begin staring at Sarah again, completely amazed like always. She has her long brown hair down and combed, a white dress that falls past her knees, white ballet flats, and her cross necklace that makes her eyes look like the brightest stars. 

  When we arrive, I walk with Sarah and her mom into a room that holds a large tub filled with water that I guess is the baptistry.

  Soon after we walk in, I'm walked into a sort of dressing room area and see Mr. WIlliams waiting for me with the clothing I'll wear when I get baptized. I begin to speak to him as I get closer.

  "Hello, Mr. Williams," I pause, unsure of what to say, "I just wanted you to know that I'm not just doing this for Sarah--if that's what-what you think. My mother died of cancer when I was younger and since then, it's been a long path going the wrong way and your sermons along with your daughter have led me back to where I know I need to be. I'm sorry for ever seeming like a horrible guy: it was never my intention. I'm trying to change, and this is kind of one of my first steps, I guess. I just wanted to say like, thanks. For leading me back, you know." I clear my throat awkwardly. I have never been good at talking to parents.

   He's silent for a moment as he takes in my weird appreciation but then says, "I'm sorry for not giving you a chance, Tyler. I hope we can become closer as you grow into manhood, and I pray you can stay going on this right path--with or without my daughter helping you stay on that path. Now, let's get you ready for your baptism."

  Our conversation was quite short, but I feel relieved hearing a good response like that from him. It makes me feel as though I actually did something right for once.

  Stepping into the tub brings chills down my entire body over and over again. I can't believe I'm actually doing this. My heart starts pounding out of my chest and as Mr. Williams begins to pray over me, I feel like I might just start crying from how utterly overwhelmed I feel. I look to the ceiling and the thought passes through me: could Mom be watching this? The thought makes me smile.

   He whispers "amen", looks at me with reassurance as I nod to him, and he dunks me into the water-- it's cold, refreshing, renewing. The clapping and cheering of the church scream to my soul that it is really official. Another wave of relief goes through my entire body as I take a breath of fresh air, knowing that from this point forward I am changed. There is no more going back.

  I don't get to watch Sarah's baptism because I had to go back into the dressing room with my towel and dry off, but I know when she comes out of that same water because the crowd goes wild and my heart skips a beat.

When a volunteer knocks on the door and says it's time, I walk out with her and slowly go up to the podium in the chapel where everyone from the baptisms are. I'm one of the last people to give their speech.

  "Uh, hi. As all of you might know by now, I'm Tyler James, a very good friend of Sarah's. My mother and I used to attend this same church a long time ago, but once she passed away of cancer, it was too hard for me to continue on in my life. As I grew up, my father and I became distant with one another and I went down a very bad path in my life that I regret. If it weren't for the family running this church, I would not be standing here. So If I may, I will begin reading a poem I wrote for Sarah and my mother." I quickly unfold the paper and take a deep breath. I've never really written poetry before and the thought of sharing this makes me queasy. I push through it, though.

"Okay, so um, here it is: 

i once was bad
full of hate
i never wanted
the life i was given

but after many mistakes
broken hearts
lies and thefts
and everything in between

i found a treasure chest
with long brown hair
that showed me all the treasure
was really hidden in me

and now in God,
i am liberated
my Lord
my Savior
He has rescued my soul"

  I look up from my messy paper to see Sarah, tears falling from her eyes. She smiles at me and I smile back. I silently say a prayer to God, thanking him for everything in my life. Sarah, my dad, a great mother watching over me as an angel in Heaven, a roof over my head-- everything. I step down from the stage and Sarah comes up, passing me, looking at me with confidence as she does. I did well, she seems to say to me through her eyes. 

  She stands at the podium, takes a deep breath just like I did, and begins.  "Thank you so much, Tyler, for that wonderful poem. My father is the new pastor of this church and this is his first time doing baptisms here. Like most of you know, my heart has belonged to God since I was very young. I realized that not everybody has a life so easy with our Almighty, and I also realized that I can help lead others to Him. God has spoken through me in so many different situations and made me the person I am today. My close friend Tyler didn't believe in God for a long while, but now that we've been talking, things have changed for the better for both him and I. God has a plan for the world we all live in, and I'm just a small puzzle piece, fitting into my place. Thank you." And we clap. The loudest clap, along with an encouraging shout, comes from a boy sitting a row up from me, a few spots down on the church bench. I look over to him and notice he's quite handsome. Dark brown hair, chocolate eyes, and a big smile on his face. He looks even fancier than I do. I wonder who he is. Maybe a cousin or something. I clap louder and give her a piercing whistle to feel justified.

  When Sarah walks off the stage, Mr. Williams closes with a prayer, and it's over. Sarah has such a big smile on her face as she walks over to me, but the boy stops her in her tracks and a little jealousy hits me. I ignore the weird feeling and as she talks to him for a bit, I enjoy the scent of fresh roses  and renewel. I've finally been baptized.