To New Beginnings.

Two worlds

                        Hazels p.o.v
I knew that I wasn't the one for this.
I knew that it wasn't meant for me, wasn't meant for my life.
I knew that all of this was too good to be true, yet I trusted or I believed that I trusted. . .
For once, I believed this was true, at least tried to believe.

For once,  I wanted to forget.
It took hiding to do so , but for once I wanted to be like everybody else.
I didn't want everyone to see me as my vulnerabilities.
I didn't want to be seen as weak and fragile and mostly I didnt want people to stare at me with the same look, sympathy.

For once, I wanted to be known as Hazel and not the girl with the attacks.

For once. . . yet it never was meant for me.
A lie will forever be a lie and that's who I am.

I believed the people that tried to show me how to be loved. I assumed it could be true ,but after so long of trusting them there had to be something wrong. I wasn't sure if it was true or the shade of my darkness beginning to hover over me, yet it did sound realistic.
I thought that maybe it was okay for once to try and not give up on myself, but I wish I never did.

I didn't have words left to speak. I barely have sorted thoughts to even think.
It felt like I fell back again into my own dungeon of darkness where I only believed in one particular concept which was that I didn't mean anything to anyone. I never did and I never will.
I wanted to believe that it wasn't true.
I wanted to believe that whatever I had in mind was just a piece of my darkness hovering over me and my thoughts.
It was evident that it wasn't.
Maybe I was pity to them, as to why I was sympathized into their group.
Maybe that's actually why I became a friend of theirs, charity case as Cloe said.
Like I was a charity case that they were working on to make theirselves somewhat feel good about themselves.
I wanted to believe that all of this wasn't true . I wanted to ,but my mentality didn't allow me to believe that it wasn't. It made me believe, realize that it was exactly it that I assumed. Not just assumed but believed.

I froze for a solid moment standing there letting it all just sink in ,the memories reminding myself of the days where I laughed along with them when I was clearly being laughed at.
I sat there thinking of everything I did, everything I said, everything I let out, for believing in them, trusting them and letting them into my own mentality, my thoughts, my emotions and my vulnerabilities just for a simply charity case. . .

If I just knew. .

The fact that Alec proved that he can help me with my attacks, the way that Blake tried to let me laugh it all out, and mostly that I had fake conversations with Tyler where he knew the background to each detail to each story and knew that it all lead to my attacks as I believed that I maintained to look strong, to look normal yet he knew it all along.

Maybe that's what I actually am, a joke, pity, sympathy, and again a charity case.

I realized for a moment that I still stood there between them, so I stood walking away tears filling my eyes out of shock not hurt.

" Hazel, stop. " Tyler ordered ,but didn't stop me.

I walked off not baring to stop but ended too as he blurted and noticed that maybe I should talk and not just stand back my emotions killing me inside instead of letting them all out.

" Why did you only care If I knew? " He blurted.

" You want to know why? " I whispered still my back facing them as I spoke.

" Yeah, in-fact I think we all do.  "

" Maybe because you were the one person that didn't accept me, not just from your friendship but even your household. "