To New Beginnings.

Deeply falling

Hazels p.o.v.

I've always wanted to be someone else. .
Someone different with a whole different background to her life, but why is it that for once I wanted to be me and couldn't.

I always hid myself from others and yet the day I chose to be myself, it wasn't meant to be.

Letting go seemed so hard at first but starting over seemed so easy, too easy. .
After so long of burying myself of the burden of my brother then grew with another burden of the abandoning of my mother and sister I wanted to feel free yet couldn't. As much as I dug I couldn't find my way out to light and this felt exactly like it. I let go and assumed I could begin, once the light wasn't that far away it all turned to be a reflection and not light.
The reflection of the past facing me, telling me somehow that there is no way out.

" I always was afraid of you getting to know who I'd be and you wouldn't like it, yet somehow today all I wanted was to be me yet couldn't. " I blurted out as I walked away.

" You dont understand. You never will. "

" Then show me! Help me understand what this is! Tell me it's not true. ."

And the next thing he said made me let go of the glimpse of hope I had left.
" I'd lie if I said it wasn't true. . "

" It's the same with Alec isn't it? "

" It's the same with all of us. "
He confirmed the last tear of hope left my eye as I realized that all of this was a make belief. As I said before, a facade.

" You said you had a lot for you to know about me when I had a lot I didn't know about any of you. I had such a hard time trusting you guys yet you still managed to play me like that. "

" We didn't play you! It's not our fault you came along! " He hissed the last words effecting more than what he had said before and for some reason I knew, I knew he was right.
If I hadn't come here from the beginning this would've never happened to them, to me.
I would've lived with one burden, not three.
I would've lived like I did before, where I believed that I could never trust again. The time back where I was safe.

" You're right. I'm sorry for that. Goodbye Tyler. " I whispered hurt and despair evident in my voice.

" I'll drive you home. "
He then continued.
" It's the least I can do. "

" My self worth is more than that. Maybe you have no respect for me, but I do. " I whispered walked away and in a way it felt so hard to.

I had no tears left for me to cry. I guess they finally dried out from the amount of tragedies I've been through. This didn't effect me so much, yet why is it that it felt as it did.
Realizing that I wasn't just accepted out of pity but as a rebound to someone else.
A way for them to feel good about themselves. Something tells me there's a deeper background to it , but for today I think it's enough.

" Everyone was left worried. " Tyler mentioned earlier referring to the guys as their cars were all present in the parking lot of the Andersons house hold as I reached the door knob.

" Hazel! Are you okay!? Oh we've been so worried. " Melanie rushed to hug me, I didn't hug back but I gave in showing no emotions of any kind.

" Shit Hazel, you got us all perturbed. " Alec worriedly came over to hug me once Melanie let go. His hug, this time felt different, felt cold. Cold for me to bear. He was the same as was the hug , but knowing how they felt around me caused this feeling to show.

" Are you okay? " Amelia smiled at me from afar.
I noticed the twins and Blake from afar worried and trying not to show any sort of sympathy my heart souring for them. The moment I saw Blake my heart began to ache realizing I couldn't even trust him anymore though he always seemed sincere.