To New Beginnings.

Replacement

                       Hazel's P.O.V

If you ask me, it isn't a place you'd want to be.
The darkness may over come you leaving it harder to leave.

Your thoughts will be poisoned and your mind will become a disease.

As much as it hurts you'd once feel relieved.

Once it takes over your mental senses you no longer know what to reach or how to breathe.

Where there is darkness there can be brightness too, but once your mind settles you realize who is who.

It feels like mist covering your sight only is it a way to reach out to light. . .

That was how it felt to live with anxiety. .
Every step is harder than the other. It felt like taking one step forward and three steps back. As if the track never leads you anywhere you just follow along with your anxiety hoping it'll get better.
It feels like once you reach the top of a ladder close to reaching the end you trip falling deeper than before.

The darkness of it sometimes takes you to places you'd never want to be and as much as you try to leave it's harder than it seems. Your thoughts are a syndrome to a disease that'll never leave.
Your mind becomes weak leading you to grow physically defeat.
There can be light to it too , but once you focus you really know who is who?
It feels like mist covering your sight from the beauty of the world only is it a way to reach out to light.

People think I wanted this. People think I created this, my anxiety, the ways it's formed and the way I think. I never planned this out for myself I never did , but my mind just tells me to play along with it and sometimes I have no power over what my mind tells me to do.
I'm helpless when my thoughts have been distracted.
People advise me to think positive, little did they know that this was positive and they still haven't seen the negative side to me.
The side I fear to show the most.
This side of me. . .

My mind was blured with so many thoughts starting my day off with a nightmare then choosing to change to go to school not wanting to hide anymore.

Since the whole school knows now.
Why keep hiding?

Waking to a nightmare isn't the kind of morning anyone would dream of. The good part of it is that its sometimes my mental alarm to wake me from the past phase I was in.
It was six am once my mental alarm went off and since that time I've been debating.
I hung my head in one of Aarons shirts knowing it'll help me today. Somewhat make me feel confident and less tense. That was Aarons job back at our old school , but for now it's only his shirt. I just wore a pair of skinny jeans and wore my converse rushing downstairs before I had time to change my mind.
Before leaving the house I passed by Annas room to let her know that I'll be walking to school which she didn't approve of at first , but once I lied and said that I've done this with Alessandro she gave in.
As much as I was afraid of what I'll come past at school from looks and remarks a part of me felt relieved that I'll finally get it over with.

Every part of my body wants to relax and feel relieved for once, and that's how I felt.
I wanted to let everything that was in store out for the people to see, for me to feel relieved.
To feel myself, to feel free for once. .

A part of me had always stopped me from doing so and I hung onto that part assuming it was right. My heart tells me not to do this, not to show, to grow, and to be the one I am knowing how it'll end up , but sometimes you should take risks in life and that's what I'll be doing today.

People, normal people would think that what I'll be doing today doesn't need courage doesn't need strength, but to me this is all I ever wanted to be.
It just feels like something deep inside me is built negative and for once I wanted positive.

I stepped in sucking a breathe as my heart balanced with every step I make the beat raising faster and faster as I got closer to the school.
The looks I received made the beating range of my heart and the sweat tricking by the side of face worse. The school wasn't packed, but it also wasn't empty. There were pitiful looks my way, others that would smile at me, but I saw through it, Pity.

Maybe that's why I hid for a long time. .

There's that voice again. The one that's been haunting me for so long, telling me I can't to it , but for now I'll ignore it.

As soon as I reached my locker a hint of a smile reached my lips knowing I was half way there. I grabbed my books and notebook and turned to rush to homeroom.
A few steps later I reached the empty classroom taking the furthest chair to avoid the stares other than the teachers of course.

My phone began to ring startling me my heart beat assuming it'll be dad that missed me and wanted to check up on me, but it only turned out to be my reminder for me to take my pills.

The class began to get packed. Some turn to me as they realize that I'm that girl while others just glance my way then turn to what they are doing, but once the sound of heals clicking the floors hit my ears I knew that it wasn't going to go well.

" Don't you think everyone's pitying you enough? I mean if you want money you can ask, but don't show up dressed like that hoping someone will pity you and donate money. " Cloe mockingly spoke as I clutched onto the sleeves of my hoodie as if I was clutching onto Aarons hand for comfort.
Everyone kept staring some surprised, some trying not to glance and others whispering under their breathes , but I heard it.
" You've said enough. Leave. " A guy stood and stepped in front of my desk.

" There, you got what you wanted Haz. Maybe give her a little money Jim. " Cloe smirked.

One glance and I was out there, tears filling my eyes everything blurred out but the thoughts.
I made my way to the bathroom wiping the tears that slipped my eyes from what she just said.
" I thought I'd find you here. " She smugly spoke.

" Don't you think you've done enough already?! " I hissed my voice coming out wobbly.

" Not what I came for. "

" Just say it and go. I'm tired of this. "

. . .
* * * *

Her words kept playing on and on in my head.
Everything made sense, all of it. I wasn't just some charity case. . . .

I was more than that, even worse. . .

The sound of leaves crumbling behind me led me to turn around.

" I had to come, even though I promised I wouldn't. You weren't at school and everyone is worried back there. " Tyler stated, but was received with silence.

I was received with silence, my mind had no words for me to put out to him and I knew if I spoke I'd cry.

" Why did you ever accept me Tyler? "

" . . . I saw the way you made them smile. I saw the way you fit into our friendship. How you made it whole.- "

" Rosie, that's who you saw the whole time. " I blurted cutting him off turning to him but receiving a look that gave it all so I continued.

" That's why you called me by her name. That's why you accepted me into your friendship isn't it? It wasn't pity, it was worse. . .
No matter what, I can't be seen for who I am can't I? "

He shook his head staring at the ground a tear slipping down his cheek.

" I saw something in you, Tyler. You were different.
The good different, but sometimes not everything that's good has good intentions. " I whispered a tear slipping my eye before turning, but was held back from him gently placing his lips on mine as our tears connected. . .

" This was meant for Rosie, not for me. It never will. "

_________________________________
Call this a " Thank you " for all of your support and love that you guys have been giving me.
I reached 4k with the help of all of you guys and I wouldn't have done it without you so thank you for being the best friends and supporters I ever dreamed for.
P.s the book is not over! It's just a sentimental moment for me and I thought I'd give you guys an awesome and romantic chapter in return!

Comment your favorite ship name!
Tyzel or Hazec? I'm not good with ship names so please do this for me lol and comment your favorite ship.