To New Beginnings.

Broken souls

Hazels p.o.v

This past week has past like no other.
Day by day passed by, each worse than the day before. I tried to fight everything yet everything manages to get to me, especially my thoughts.
They manage to play with every part of my body telling me to do things to myself I never assumed I'd even think of.
Making me think and believe that I was what Alec had said.

Waking up tears dried on my face, facing school on my own, avoiding everyone including myself and when it reaches the end of the day I'm left drowned in my own pool of tears.
Although as hurt as I've felt this week It still feels spareable.
I've began to build up the walls I had surrounded me, two by two. I was afraid of what I'll be attacked with this time.
I realized that the whole time when I was letting go I've been let go of myself along the way.
I'm not saying no one has tried to come up to me earlier last week because they have, but I've been neglecting them at all costs, except for Blake he has been neglecting me, I mean I deserve it in a way. He was the most that tried to get to know me before he ever knew about my attacks and here I am avoiding him, and ignoring the fact that he was always there.
Seth has also been passing by my room if he comes to Tyler and he brings a smile to my face but it bothers to see him and not the others, after all they're the first to accept me, but my mind is still firm on not accepting anything nor anyone at the moment.

I just finished dressing up to begin my day with an early walk to school. As much as it's getting chilly I still am persuaded that I will be perfectly fine after all I'm Canadian, I should be used to this weather. I can't say I get bored on my early walks anymore since I end up with company that sometimes can get on my nerves but not on a daily basis.

" I've got another one! " Alessandro was laughing his ass off on one of his lame dad jokes as I rolled my eyes waiting briefly for his lame sarcasm which still manages to get me to smile.

" Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth - then it becomes a soap opera. "
We both ended up cackling over that one.
Ales has also been such a help. Lately, he's been really close as he tries to comfort me whenever by talking to me late at nights when I have crazy thoughts. ( Not that I tell him about them.)
He also promised he'd walk to and back from school except the days that I need to be alone which is really mature of him honestly.
The funny thing is that whenever he wants to make sure if I'm okay or not he asks me if I want food and if I decline well then he figures I need to be on my own. Oh and then he gets me the food I like and drops it by my room and leaves in hopes that I'd get back to being my old self which warms my heart honestly.

" Ales. "

" Hazel. " He smiled back at me.

" Did you guys know Rosie? " I asked the question that never left my mind.

" Yeah, we used to see her a lot. She always seemed like the sister we never had although less. "

" How so? "

" She was closer to us than Melanie and Amelia. They always stayed over at our house and we got to know her more than she shows others. "

" How long was it since she left? "

" Two to three years back. "

" I'm sorry, It's probably um- hard for you guys. " I apologized emphatically mirroring the way I felt about Aaron leaving.

" Yeah, it's been tough on us so I can't imagine how hard it is on Tyler. "

" Sometimes, I think I was too harsh on them. "
It's only then when I first spoke out my thoughts that are based on my anxiety.