To New Beginnings.

He left

Hazels P.O.V

For a long time I've felt alone, for a long time I've felt lost and for a long time I've felt that I've lost everything surrounding me including mom.

Though I thought I've lost her before this is truly the one time that I can truly say I felt it. I felt that I was alone now. I felt that there was no way into fixing things with her anymore.
It felt like an end to me. It was this feeling.
A feeling so intoxicating.
A feeling so surreal.
A feeling so brutal knowing that the one person you thought you lost is now gone for good. There was no way for me to ask her why she's always been that way with me. Why I was always treated so differently?
Why she always chose Valerie without a doubt and why she cut me off when I left with dad?
As if I was the one thing making her life worse and she finally got rid of it.

Waking up today felt different in so many ways.
Different in a way knowing she was gone. Somehow it still felt unreal from the moment dad said it, It didn't seem real at first though when he repeated it the second time that's when it hit me. I think I need to hear it a couple more times for me to actually believe it.
I woke up with a nightmare again, not any different than before but the nightmare itself was. It felt different and it terrified me more than I ever was terrified of these haunting nightmares I had.
It felt real to the point I had to be shaken massively for me to break out of it a loud screech as I was held afraid of whatever it was that haunted me in the nightmare.

Melanie stood there shook in horror her eyes evident that she was asleep, Blake standing behind her shook as well. She shook me standing in shock probably from seeing the state I was in. I was hysterically breathing triggered by the nightmare. Not the same usual nightmare, a different one. It frightened me more than I ever was frightened.
I began to sob shaking realizing the truth and despite the truth and reality I was also haunted in the other world.

Blake was about to call someone over when I clutched his hand pleading him not to. I haven't told them about my nightmares and wouldn't want them to see them even though they're quite similar to my attacks.
He took the hint and sat back down. He's grown to realize that I shouldn't be held or touched during an attack cause it triggered me to an even worse position so he just sat there talking to me. Melanie was able to come closer though she knew she shouldn't reach out to me during an attack she knew enough to come close but still giving me the space I needed.

" Hey it's okay, my parents aren't on good standards either. They fight a lot, along with the fact that they're never home. They're always busy to reach me or even be here half of the time. Though when they are they always find a way to put the blame on me and why it's been my fault the whole time. I wasn't given the proper household love or cherish and I never knew the term brotherhood or sisterhood until I met Melanie and the rest of the group. At a certain time, I hated going back home. I hated facing reality, but then I realized I had to face it for me to grow up and live with it instead I'd always be haunted from it. "
The first moments of when he let it out I was still shaking and sobbing, it didn't stop him from calming me down as Melanie pat on my back lightly and spoke. A few minutes and I was able to breathe and sat there wet stained face listening to him as he ranted out.
He was hurt but he held it in.
He felt lost but he found hope.
He faced it but it didn't run away and so I guess that's what he was trying to tell me. That today, I may be hurt and hold it in to myself. That I maybe feel lost but soon I'll find ease and peace to facing what it is that feared me.
I wasn't supposed to run away from my fears, my fears were to run away from me once I face them.

" I never got to say this to you, but thank you two for being the only ones that let me in without knowing my backstory and loving me for who I am and I'm sorry for dragging you along them when I blocked them out. I really don't deserve you. "