To New Beginnings.

Lost hope

Hazels P.O.V

" Rosie's my sister. "

" . . . " I froze taking in what Seth just mentioned. I mean could it be?

" That explains why- " I was on the verge of continuing when Seth stopped me to it.

" I just couldn't see you taking her place. I couldn't stand her not being there let alone you replacing her. I assumed It'll make me feel better but it didn't.
At first, I just wanted you to leave. Hell, I even wished you never came into our lives , but once I realized they were right. This whole time I assumed I'd lose my sister for good, but little did I know that God blessed me with another one. "
Seth's words hit me like a truck. It hurt to know that I've been the reason for his suffering.

That's why he hated talking to me, because I reminded him of his sister. A tear slipped my cheek as he froze stopping him from what else he had to say.

" Did I say something wro- "

" This whole time, I've been hurting you. God, I've been hurting all of you. " I whispered in defeat as he pulled me in for a hug.

" This whole time, you've been healing us Hazel. It just took me a long time to realize-" He stated kissing me on the top of me head.

" Was that why you said I'd never understand what it's like? Was that about losing Rosie?"

" Yeah. "

" I can't say I don't because I do know what it's like. " I swallowed the lump on my throat that tried to hold me back from letting it out, the burden, Aarons burden before speaking again letting out the burden I've been holding for so long.

" How so? "

" I- well, I- I'm sorry I really can't. I can't do this. " I whispered standing up and grabbing my things to rush inside for the worst part of the day, lunch.

The lump in my throat was still there at the thought of almost slipping it out, Aaron's burden. A part of me still holds me back from mentioning him afraid that it'll hurt me more or that it'll seem more realistic referring that he'll never call me. The old me held onto him for myself not wanting to share the moments, even the tragic ones.

The other part of me felt disgusted of how I let Seth open up to me and couldn't open up to him.
It's funny because I always felt like there was always a connection between the both of us. No wonder he never wanted to accept me, because he had the same trust issues that I still have of Aarons loss.

Knowing how the cafeteria will bring me so much attention also that it'll give Cloe a way to expose her words in the out for everyone to hear and for me to feel embarrassed, I chose to leave school for lunch. It'll feel better than to hang out and listen to people mumble sympathetic words about me throughout the most satisfying period of the day.

You probably know where I am heading for lunch, " Kings " as Blake referred to it.

I'm definitely going to miss him and his stupid yet cute remarks. A part of me tells me that what I'm doing is stupid about the fact that I'm neglecting all of them, but there's always this other part of me that tells me to do so.
I guess it's the fact of always being a second choice or the replacement or the fact that I'm always left behind.
No, to me, it's the whispers that tell me that all along I was a rebound for them to feel better about Rosies loss or that I was just a pity for them to take care of.
I hated it, I hated them, the whispers.