Blue Flame (Completed)

Chapter 49

Chapter 49

Pagkatapos namin mag-dinner ay naligo ako at nagbihis. Like what he said before, he has extra clothes and undergarments that he purposely prepared for me.

He knows the kind of clothes I wear. There were cami dresses and pajama sets of my size. May tsinelas din ako na parang dito ako nakatira. He's really prepared and I still can't believe it.

He planned all of this. Simula sa theme ng bahay, mga gamit at maging disenyo ng kaniyang kwarto. He knows I like white a lot and so the house is in all white and clear glasses. He knows I like swimming so he built an infinity pool in his terrace, not to mention the big pool outside as well. He planned this ahead without having the assurance of having me. The only thing that he was sure of, is fighting for me.

He dedicated his life and everything that he has to secure me, to fight for me. If we compare our love for each other, mine is nothing, mine is shallow, mine is not even half of his love for me.

It's good to feel loved but then it's shameful not to be able to give back the same amount of love. Nahihiya ako dahil alam kong marami akong nagawang mali, marami akong desisyon na nakasakit. I want to be able to love him the way he loves me but I know I certainly can't. Kahit saan ko tignan, mas malinaw na siya ang higit na nagmamahal. At kahit gusto kong suklian, hindi ko alam kung paano, hindi ko alam kung sapat.

I sighed and stared at the waters of the infinity pool. Malamig dito kapag gabi, maganda ang view dahil nasa dulo ng metropolis at natatanaw ang ilan pang mga bahay.

Sa gitna ng malamig na gabi ay naramdaman ko ang mainit na brasong yumakap sa akin mula sa likuran. Nilingon ko si Ice.

"Tapos kana palang maligo. Aren't you cold? Malamig dito.."

Umiling ako at tumingin sa kaniya. Our eyes met.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

I shrugged, "Nothing.."

Humigpit ang yakap niya sa baywang ko, "Just please don't tell me you're planning to leave me again."

I chuckled.

"Really baby, what are you thinking?" Ipinatong niya ang baba sa balikat ko at mas niyakap pa ako.

I sighed. Bumaling ako sa view sa harapan namin. "I'm just.. I'm just thinking of ways how to love you better.."

"Hmm? Better?"

"I know I've been really a selfish brat, hindi lang sayo kundi maging sa pamilya ko at sa pamilya mo. I know how much people love me that's why I acted selfishly. I love them, but I didn't consider their feelings too. I realized you're right, my feelings changes at a slight change of emotion. And I think that's too bad, I think my love is too shallow."

"That's understandable, you're still young and still making mistakes. What's important is that you learn from it."

I nodded, "I want to be able to give the same kind of love but I don't know how. I don't know if coming back is enough. Compared to you, who did a lot for me, pakiramdam ko kulang na kulang pa ako, pakiramdam ko may dapat pa akong gawin pero hindi ko alam kung ano."

"Oh please don't give me that tone.." pinaikot niya ako upang magkaharap kami.

He cupped my face, "You are enough alright? You being here is already enough. You coming back to me, to all of us is enough."

Nangilid ang luha sa mga mata ko, "But I don't feel that way. I'm guilty and I want to make it up but.. but I don't know how. Ito lang ako, ang sarili ko lang ang mayroon ako. Compared to everything that you and our family have done for me, I just have nothing but myself."