A Photograph in Coliseum ( completed)

Chapter Thirty

His lips parted, unable to say anything to my confession. My tears continued coming out from my eyes.

"Hindi ako nagtanong kasi...wala akong karapatan Hexan...wala." I sobbed.

"Alam kong kaibigan lang ang tingin mo sa akin. Ako lang tong tanga..umasa."  I held my chest because it was too painful for me.

"J-Jaley.." He tried to speak but I stopped him.

"No..please huwag ka muna magsalita. Hayaan mo muna ako Hexan. Please.." I begged. "B-Baka hindi ko masabi lahat ng gusto kong sabihin, eh.."

"I hate myself so much, Hexan.." I told him. "I hate that I had to cry when I knew na kayo na ulit. I hate that I had to cry so hard when I saw the both of you..."

"I was there sa simbahan..I saw the both of you. You were carrying her bag.. nandoon rin sina Venz, Braint and Vao..."

"I hate myself that it hurt me." I tried to laugh but it ended up in sobs. "Kasi, anong karapatan ko masaktan?"

I wiped my own tears.

"I answered all of my questions, Hexan." I swallowed a lump on my throat. " Kung bakit hindi mo na ako kinausap bigla. Bakit bigla kang nawala. Bakit biglang ang hirap mo abutin."

I saw him breathing deeply while he's intently listening to me.

"Naintindihan ko na lahat. Why would you talk to other girls when you're pursuing your girl, right?" I smiled.

"I-I---" I signalled him to stop talking again.

"Kaya, inayos ko yung sarili ko... Tumigil na din ako kakahintay sa chats mo. Tinanggal ko na sa isipan ko..yung mga plano nating mga gala..kasi, wala na yun, e!"

"No Jaley, we can still do that.."

Umiling ako sa kanya. "Hindi na, Hexan. Hindi na mangyayari iyon.." I smiled at him bitterly. "Mas mabuting hindi na."

I sighed and dried my own tears. Umihip na din ang malamig na hangin ng Azalea.  Nililipad ang buhok namin dalawa.

"Wag na siguro tayong mag-usap ulit, Hexan. Kalimutan nalang natin na..nagkakilala tayo.." I decided.

"J-Jaley hindi kailangang mangyari iyan." He protested. "Y-You are very important to me." He told me sincerely.

I nodded to him, smiling. "Alam ko.." But I'm never enough to be your girl.

"Pero hindi na pwede Hexan. You cannot pretend that you don't know.." I told him, sadly.

"Hindi pwedeng maging magkaibigan tayo kasi mahal kita. Kasi, patuloy ko pa ring papangarapin na baka pwede..basta magkasama tayo." Another lone tear escaped from my eye. "At hindi tama iyon dahil..may girlfriend ka na."

"Ayoko na din masaktan, e. Tama na siguro ito." Tawa ko.

"I'm so sorry.." He said. I just looked at him sadly. "Hindi ko dedepensahan ang sarili ko. I'm a jerk to hurt you, Jaley.."

"Ayos lang, wala kang kasalanan Hexan.." I told him. Dahil, wala naman talaga siyang kasalanan. Hindi niya kasalanan na minahal ko siya. Wala siyang kasalanan.

"I-I tried so hard Jaley..I d-did.."

But still, you didn't forget her.

"I hope that eases the pain, Hexan."

He looked down. "I'm sorry. "

"Hindi ako galit sayo, don't worry. Pero sana..hanggang dito nalang tayo. Kung pwede lang...wag ka na rin pumunta ng bahay."

Tumingin siya sakin. Hindi ko alam kung luha ba iyong kumikislap sa mga mata niya. Hindi ko na masiguro, kasi,  puno na naman ng luha ang mga mata ko.

"B-Baka kasi kung ano ang isipin nila." I told him.

Slowly, he nodded. "I understand." He said in a hoarse voice.

"Wag ka nang maguilty.. pinapatawad na kita."

He smiled at me, with tears in his eyes.

"Masaya akong nakilala kita. Masakit man, pero hindi ako nagsisising minahal kita. Kasi dahil sayo, nalaman ko na ang sarap pala sa pakiramdam ang magmahal."

He smiled still. I saw a tear come out from his eyes.

"Mabait kang tao. Hindi ka mahirap mahalin. Sobrang saya ko na..nakasama kita."

I smiled at him to ease the pain. My pain. His pain.

He smiled. "Thank you din, Jaley..." He managed to say, even when his voice is breaking.

"I'm happy meeting you too..I have met a lot of people but meeting you was different. It was..special."

I nodded at him. I want him to know that I am okay, that it's alright.

"Masaya ako sa bawat lakad at usap natin. Hinding-hindi ko iyon makakalimutan, Jaley. Hinding-hindi."

Tumango ako sa kanya.

"Sana mapatawad mo ko..dahil nasaktan kita. Gusto ko man balikan ang mga desisyon ko at itama, pero w-wala na e.." Tumulo ang isang luha mula sa kanyang kanang mata. "N-Nasaktan na kita. M-Mawawala ka na..."

He sighed deeply. "I wish you the best Jaley. Sana magkita pa rin tayo. And I hope, pansinin mo pa rin ako."

I nodded at him, smiling. Kahit sa loob ko, gusto ko nang humagulhol.

"Maraming salamat sa lahat, Jaley." He wiped his own tears.

I looked down. Unable to say anything. But I suddenly  remembered one thing. Kinuha ko ang cellphone ko galing sa bulsa. Kinuha ko ang isang bagay na matagal ko nang itinago sa cover ng cellphone ko.

"H-Hexan.." I called him. Naluluha, bumaling ulit siya sakin.

Kinuha ko ang kanang kamay nya at nilagay sa palad nya ang isang bagay na matagal ko nang itinago..simula nung napulot ko ito.

Tinignan nya ito nang may pagtataka. Nakita kong namilog ang mga mata nya.

"B-Bakit nasayo to?"

I smiled even with the pain. "Matagal ko na iyan napulot. Bago pa tayo..nagkakilala."

I wanted to sob so bad. I want to hug him so bad. Gusto kong humagulhol sa dibdib nya.

"Matagal na kitang mahal.."

I told him, with my tears and with my pain.

"Sa wakas, naisauli ko na rin iyan." I laughed. "Tagal na niyan, e."

Nakikita kong hindi siya makapaniwala. Hindi rin siya makapagsalita.

"You were more than just a photograph,  Hexan."

And I love you.

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This is the final chapter and I am not kidding.