the state of denial

Part 4:

I keep walking for about 9mins until I reach Dani's house. I open the door and Dani's in the kitchen drinking tea.

"Whats up babe?" She gets up to hug me.

"Well, that guy you tried to hook me up with is probably just as insane as I am. So I dont know, you tell me." She laughs, and a lot. not just a stupid ha. Its full on.

"I know he is ! It's perfect !" I slap her arm.

"Its not funny ! He said he loved me. He may be abusive.." She smiles.

"But you liked it, didn't you."

"I liked what?"

"Dont' play stupid with me. You totes fucked him!"

GET THE FUCK OUT !

"What !? No ! I didn't even kiss the guy. We were going to, but i backed away."

She rolls her eyes and throws herself on the chair.

"Fuck Hay, i'm trying to do you a favor and you kill it." Seriously!? "He's as mental as I am and you want me with him ?! What do you want, a double suicide of love !?" She stares up at the ceiling.

"That does sound cool."

"No, Dani, No. This is not good. No bueno." I shed a tear.

"But you like him right..? Like, hes good looking." When hes not psycho.

"Yeah, i guess."

"Then its all good. Dont worry. C'mon, lets get ready."

We go into her room and she plays Pierce The Veil.

_______________________________

Danielle. The real deal with life.

This girl and I have been through hell and back together. Theres not a single thing I don't tell her. It's crazy how alike we are. She's mental, i'm insane. We should probably be living in a mental ward. But hey, the crazies come out at night. It's our secret.

Well, except for the families. All those doctors we've been taken to the meds they put us on. They never really help. But pretending they do to not hurt our parents is fine.

At age 9 Dani walked into her parents room looking for some wipes to pick up a spill in her room. To her surprise, she found her father.

Dead, in the backyard, hanging from the roof. She screamed, cried, even went outside to bring her dad down. But he wouldn't respond.

I remember she ran to my house, she told my mom and dad, then they rushed to Dani's house. They told us to stay there, but Dani said she didn't want to leave her dad alone.

A week after that, her mom put her into therapy and counciling all that mind fuck shit.

Two years ago, I had a really close friend. His name was Derek, he always had suicidal thoughts. I tried to talk him out of it so many times. He knew so many possible ways to kill himself. He decided to finally do it on his 15th birthday. He invited me over to his house saying there would be a party. I showed up and as soon as I walked in through the door he kissed me.

There was no one else at the house, just me and Derek. Soon enough he took me into his bedroom. The walls were covered with suicide notes and ways to kill yourself. It didn't seem to bother me, until.. well, we began to have sex.. looking at the walls creeped the fuck out of me. I got up and told him I had to leave.

He told me it was fine but before I left he had to show me something. He left the room and came back in with the gun. I begged him to stop, but he wouldn't.