the state of denial

Part 5:

My phone rings, but i don't answer. I'm wrapped up in the covers and Cameron's not in the bed.

Used again. I feel the tears rolling down my face and take my phone out to call Tori. I get up and begin to put my clothes on.

"Where are you goin'?" Cameron walks in the room changed already. His voice sounds raspy and deep. "What's wrong..? Why are you crying?" One question at a time please...

"I was gunna go home, and nothing. I just yawned." He hands me my shirt.

"Dani, Tori and Alex are still downstairs."

Ilook down at my phone and check the time. 3:30.

"They stayed here..?"

"Well, Dani stayed with Jake and Tori passed out so Alex had to stay. As for you, you where out quick."

"Wow."

"Do you remember last night?"

"Honestly, not much." Did i throw up.. or have some sort of attack !? "Oh." He seems dissapointed. "What did I do?" I ask.

"Well, after we yunno did it," Awkward sex talk! "You kisses me then fell asleep in my arms."

Oh god, thats worse. Sappy ass love shit. I can't even. I led him on.. fuck. I mean, yeah I like him, I love him alright, but not like this yet.

I go into the bathroom and wash my face. I look terrible.I look in the drawers for make-up and just my luck, there is. I re-do it and walk out. Theres laughing downstairs. i find a place on the stairs where i can see them but hopefully they cant see me and I sit there. Tori's sitting down eating a pop tart, Alex is outside smoking a cigarette, Dani is sitting on the counter with Jake holding her, and Camerons drinking a cup of coffee. I rub my head and sit there for 5 minutes.

"Hayley, what are you doing..?" Cameron says.

I feel something in my throat and run back upstairs. I lock the bathroom door, open the toilet seat and throw up.

"Hay.. You fine in there..?" Dani asks. I open the door for her. She walks in and re-locks it. "I don't feel good. I want to go home." I say. She looks at me for a second and says "You look so fucked." "Thanks babe. Love it when you say I look terrible." She takes out an asprin, makes me take it.

" So, Jake? Still unofficial?" She sighs.

"Yeah.. He wants to go out really bad. But.. I just. I dont know." Funny how we're going through the exact same thing. "You should. He'll treat you good." I open the toothpaste and put some in my mouth, rise everything out. "Why don't you date Cam then?" "Dani its not the same." She laughs at me.

"Its the exact same thing. C'mon, I'll make you some coffee." Dani tells me.

We begin to walk downstairs and Jake takes her outside. I guess I have to make my own coffee.

Cameron walks up to me. I hug him so he won't ask questions. He kisses my cheek. "Iced or hot coffee. Or tea. You pick babe." I blush. "Iced, Coffee. Please." I sit with Tori and make a face. She knows what i mean just by that look. She mouths Babe at me and I punch her. "Whore !" I laugh.

"Hey, ya'll dont say that. Even if its true."

Im surprised the house is actually really clean. Yeah, there are a few cups and chips around the place but, nothings broken. The pool seems very clean. And there are no kids passed out anywhere.

Dani and Jake come back in the house, holding hands. OFFICIAL !

"Ermahgerd ! Yes. Finally." yells Tori. Dani covers her mouth and laughs. Haha. Try and like her now Tony. You can't !

Im a bitch...

I feel awkward now, extremely awkward. Single pringle. Eeeeh, no commitment. Its all good. But, Cameron keeps looking at me. I dont look directly at him, but out of the corner of my eye i can see. Pressure.

I text Dani. Eventhough we're in the same room.

Me: Dani, I want to leave.

Dani: Why dont you talk to me instead?

Me: I dont want them to hear.

Dani: Im not leaving hayley. I have a date.

Me: oh. alright. Tori?

Dani: She has to go home.

Me: right. i forgot...

Dani: ask cam.

Me: sort of tryna avoid him..

Dani: Last resort.

She puts the phone in her back pocket and shrugs. I walk upstairs to get my shoes. I say bye to Tori and Alex.

"Where are you going." Alex asks I put my hair up.

"Home."

"How are you going to get there?" Cameron interrupted.

"Ummh, i'm gunna walk."

"No. Its too far. It'll be really late by the time you get there. I'll take you."

"It's fine. Really, it's okay. I want to."

Dani chimes in. "Hay, he's taking you and thats it. I dont want you alone either." Thats cool, then why do YOU take me home ! Oh yeah, cause now i'm a fifth wheeler.

"I can do it on my fucking own !" I walk to the front door and slam it shut. I begin walking.

I feel the tension between Dani and I, and Tori stuck in the middle of it. Dani must be yelling to Tori about me. I should probably call Zack and tell him to come get me, but I can't get over how mad i still am at him.

Im lost, still in the rich people house area...

After walking around aimlessly for about an hour I finally call Cameron.

Cam: Hello?

Me: Pick me up?

Cam: Where at?

Me: Umh.. The streets called Yucatan.

Cam: You're still in this neighborhood!

Me: I got lost!

Cam: I'll be there in like 3 minutes okay.?

Me: Alright. Bye.

When he picks me up he rolls his eyes at me and laughs.

"What did I do?" I ask him.

"You're so fucking stubborn Hay. That's what." I was proving a point!

"Shut up." I laugh.

It's rush hour everywhere, and neither of us are talking.

I begin to feel my anxiety and I start pinching myself. It's what I do to feel like I'm still okay and alive.

"Hayley. What are you doing?" Cameron asks.

"Umh.. Wh.. What!? No.. Nothing. It's.. its 'erm.. nothing." My damn stuttering.

Cameron used to be Derek's bestfriend so, I guess he understands me the most out of everyone, other than Dani. He's 18 just out of high school. I remember seeing him at Derek's funeral and looking at him the entire time. I didn't even cry. I couldn't.

After another half hour in the car, im home.

I ask Cameron to stay with me a while and he does.

I go down to my room and grab a blanket, "You like Skins?" I ask.

For a second he's confused then answers, "The show? Yeah. Its cool."

"Sweet. Where are you at?"

"Second generation; Freddies second episode." He knows this stuff. "Alright." I turn the tv on and put it to Hulu.com.

We sit on the couch, I lean on his shoulder and he puts his arm around me, then I cover myself with the blanket. I feel extremely tired, and dont even finish watching this one episode.