the state of denial

Part 10:

I open my eyes. The hospital room is filled with flowers and balloons.

The grip on my hand is extremely tight. "Hayley...." Its Cameron.

I don't say anything. I can't get anything to come out of my mouth.

He kisses me right on the lips and everything feels real. "you're finally up." I nod my head, but still can't manage words. What the fuck is going on? Why am I in bed!? He sprints to the door and yells for a nurse.

He runs back to me. "It's good to see you up babe."

Babe. He called me babe. He's at my bedside calling me babe.

"What happened? When did you wake up Cam?"

He looks confused. "What do you mean when did I wake up?"

The nurse come in. Big smile on her face. "It's about time Ms.Merrick."

"For what?!"

Cameron holds my hand, "Babe, you've been in a coma for two months."

I laugh, "No Cam. YOU'VE been in coma for two months. This is really funny and all. But I'm glad to see you up."

The nurse checks my temperature. She says it's fine, then she calls in the doctor.

When he walks in he asks if I remember anything. "Like what?" I ask.

He tells me about the accident.

At first, I look at him as if saying 'Duh. I'm not stupid. I know all this.' But then he gets into detail.

The people in the other car were Dani, Tori and Alex.

I was in the coma, not Cameron and I could hear everything everyone else was saying. I just coped with it my own way. As if in the dream I switched places with him.

Alex died. Tori doesn't remember anything. Dani was fine and so was Cameron.

Cameron says he'd talk to me everyday, just like I talked to him in the dream. He left the hospital. Point is, I had a fucked up dream.. But at least in my dream my best friend DIDNT have fucking amnesia, and her boyfriend was alive.

I begin to cry. I'm sobbing and Cameron is holding me.

"I'm so sorry baby. I never meant for any of that to happen.."

I tell him it's not his fault.

He goes out to the front desk, and nods his head a few times. Then he comes back in.

"Cam, I need to ask you a question.." I let go of his hand.

"Yeah?" He replies.

"Are we.. Like... Erm... Uh... Going out?"

Before he answers we're interrupted.

"HAYLEY!! You don't know how happy I am to know you're up." Dani jumps on the bed on top of me.

I don't say anything, the only thing I can manage is a huge smile that's cramping up my jaw. She lays down next to me. "Why are you crying? you should be happy!"

At the sound of that I cry more. Which is really the worst thing to do. The doctors will think I'm mentally unstable or some shit. But hopefully this is normal. I HAVE been asleep for two months.

So I guess everything that felt so real was all just a dream. But in the reality, everything's worse.

Of course.

"I'm gunna go call Zack. Will you be okay?" Cameron says sniffing.

I nod my head and he kisses my cheek.

"He was here as much as he was allowed. He snuck in a few times. Just to make sure you wouldn't move without him here. Every time we came to visit he'd be here. Just waiting."

"We're like.. Going out right? I mean? At least that's what I've gotten from it. And we weren't dating before this whole accident shit right?" I say to Dani.

She gets off the bed and sits on the big chair. "No. But It's unofficially official."

"What does that mean?" I laugh

She jumps up, "Well, it means that you're practically dating, but he hasn't asked yet. But yunno, that's because you've been in a fucking coma forever."

"That sucks, cause I do like him.." I say cockily.

"Unofficially official. Why now though? I mean, he's asked you out so many times."

"Why I like him now? I always did like him.. But I didn't want to have a thing. It scary you know? A relationship. It's like being tide down to one person. Plus, you don't have to ask me that because you know exactly how it feels. With Jake and all."

She takes a deep breath in and looks up, "I guess. But we're taking a break.."

My mouth drops open. "Why!? You guys were together a few hours ago!"

Then she goes, "Hay, we've been apart for about two weeks now. You weren't even up a few hours ago."

Then I realize she's right. But the dream was so realistic. It was almost the same world, but different. There was no telling what was real and what wasn't.

Cameron walks back in, "Zacks on his way."

"Who's Zack?" I ask trying to scare them. And it actually works. Dani flips out and Cameron's about to call in the doctor, but I stop him.

"I know who he is.. When can I leave. I want to go home.. I want to go outside. This bed.. Fuck get me out of here." I sit up on the bed.

"That's what I asked the nurse. She said tomorrow, 100% sure of it. They just need to monitor you for the day." Cameron replies and takes a seat on the bed. His hair is shorter. There is definitely scaring on his forehead. So, the last memory of him was real, not a part of the dream. I guess the glass did go into his head.

I look at Dani, and there's so much pain in her eyes. But her smile is all relief. I hate what's happened to us. The way things ended up. The stress she must be feeling to take a break with Jake. And somehow, I feel guilty for all of this. I mean, in the dream I did, but everyone was pretty much fine. In reality, I'm not sure what's going on. Maybe, with or without leaving the house that night something bad was bound to happen. Like, maybe just maybe this was a lesson. But fuck, this lesson was a fucked up one.

I think the thing that really sets me off about this is that Tori was the one person who loved Alex more than anyone else. And now she has no fucking clue who he is.. Er... Was..

Alex had no one. His parents were divorced, his mom a total drug junkie, his dad in jail. Tori was making him a better person. I mean sure, he still drank and smoked like crazy, but rarely did drugs. That's not even what I mean though. Tori kept him out of trouble. He didn't steal anymore or any of the other bad things he used to do. Tori changed him. She loved him like no one else ever did, and now he's gone. And she doesn't remember a fucking thing.

Id just like to get out of here. Smoke with Dani and Cam. And maybe take some shots. Because it feels like I haven't done shit in forever. Which Is sort of true.