the state of denial

Part 22:

Nobody knows. Nobody knows how fucked up my mind really is. In my head I've killed them all. Plenty of times. Gruesome ways to them all, giving hell to the end. It's really funny because I can be sitting right next to them and they'll be telling me some stupid story about how Dani got jealous because a super hot guy hit on Tori instead of her, but Tori only has eyes for Dani, so it doesn't really even matter. Or how Taylor tried to hit on Cam but he shut her down and Cam thought it was super funny. They'll tell me all that and while they talk, in my mind, in my imagination I killed them. Slit their throat, twisted the neck or.... I don't know. It's just fucked up, how they tell me their problems and I'm killing them in my head while I smile on the outside. That's horrible right? I mean that's not what normal kids do. Not that we are kids i mean in a year we'll be 18, legally adults. Maybe I'm really psychotic. Psy-cho-tic.

And I'm only saying this because of Tori. How she keeps going on and on about her memory. I should be happy for her. I know i should but i just can't help but want to strangle her until she turns purple.

The thing is she already knows about everything that happened. Its not like she only got her old memory and then forgot the past 6 months. Because she hasn't, which means she has a grasp on reality. I get that she remembers Alex and all but gosh just shut the fuck up already.

Shes been going on about it since the concert last week and right about now I'm going to say something if another, "Remember when..." comes out of her mouth. I'm almost positive I'm not the only one that's fed up with this, Dani and Sam are just way too nice to say anything. But I'm not sure about me. I'm a bitch. I get called out on it a lot and it's true.

"Remember when Tony pushed Alex off the roo..." Tori begins once again.

"Yes Tori. We remember. I remember. Sam remembers and so does Dani. He sprained his ankle and he cried like a little bitch." I'm really happy she has her memory back but I can't take it anymore. She's told this same story four times in the past two days. And the one about how me and her got suspended from school in eighth grade for leaving class because we thought you could do that in real life like in the movies.

The one thing I feel horrible about is that she can remember the accident. She knows every single thing about it.

"I'm sorry Hay. Maybe you should try having your memory taken away." She says under her breath in a smirky way.

"Woooow Tori. Can you also remember how fucking obsessed you are with Dani? Cause that's a big one. Did you know that even while you where dating Alex you had a huge crush on Dani and tried to get with her every time you got drunk? Because you should since you have your perfect memory back." I walk out of her house and start the car. I'm not mad or anything of the sort. I was really looking for an excuse to leave. But -ha actually I am mad... It fucking pisses me off how we have to go through all of this bullshit again. The Alex crap and the accident. I really wish it was a thing of the past. I wish it was ME who lost my memory. Maybe i should have never even woken up from that coma.

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Cameron's P.O.V

Hayley hasn't talked to me in nine days. Its weird that i've kept count right? But i have, its been nine whole days since shes talked to me and i know we've gone longer without talking but i thought we were doing great right now. Maybe it's because I was mad she went to the concert instead of my party, but that was just in the moment. She hasn't replied to any of my calls or texts either. Maybe she's just too caught up with Tori getting her memory back and what not.

No, that's no excuse she can text back quick just to let me know shes okay. The thing that pisses me off is that we can be in the same place but she doesn't even make eye contact with me. I tried talking with her three days ago at Tony's house, she was talking with Jessica and Renee and when I went up to them, she looked at me and walked away. Am i missing something because i don't think its fair that shes leaving me out of this being mad at me. I think i missed the memo guys.