the state of denial

Part 12:

The next morning when I wake up Cameron's gone. There's a note on the night stand,

'Early practice today. Don't go anywhere, I'll be back at 10:45-11'

I check the time and its 10:25.

I get up to the bathroom and turn on the shower. Taking a warm shower for the first time in two months. Wow, that's pretty disgusting. But I'm pretty sure the nurses and them clean you right? That's weird. Gotta stop thinking about that. I don't do much except stand there. Don't sing, don't even wash my body.

I start thinking about Alex. How I wasn't at his funeral. How Tori didn't get to speak. How maybe just maybe Tony wasn't so strong and let out a tear for his best friend, maybe he didn't let his ego get the best of him and might have shown some emotions towards someone other than himself. I wonder if Tori went, even though she only remembers things from up until 9th grade, and Alex didn't come into the picture until 11th. Dani probably took her, Alex's aunt the first around the body crying to Tori, but she didn't know what happened to her..

"Hey love, you almost done in there?" I jump at his voice and slip back a bit. He hears the shampoo bottles fall, runs to the shower and opens the shower door. "You okay? Where'd you hurt?" I reach for a towel to cover up my body then turn off the water.

"I'm fine. You just scared me." He stays there, looking at my body. "Hey.. You mind? I gotta dry up."

He laughs, "No, I don't mind. Go ahead. I'm all eyes." I push him back.

He closes the shower door and walks out. I dry myself and look at myself in the mirror. There's scars on my head, arms, legs. Not caused by me, but from the accident. And these scars will forever be reminders of what happened that day. A part of me.

When I get out of the bathroom Cameron's sitting in the bed on twitter. I take out my clothes and begin to put then on. He sits behind me and begins to caress my shoulders. "What do you want to do today?"

I take my jeans and put them on. Not sure what I want to do, but we can't stay here. It's sort of like I feel nervous around him. I don't want him touching me or looking too long. It's almost as of I've never done anything before. Like... What if I don't remember how to do anything. Sexual wise... But I don't want to go out. I want to stay home and lay in bed all day. Watch movies. Play some video games.

"I'm not sure, what do you want to do."

He puts his arms around my waist, "I was thinkin' we could order out and just stay here. Have a few drinks. Maybe a smoke. Go out to the lake for a swim."

That's when I turn around and sit on his lap, legs to either side of him, arms around his neck. "That sounds perfect to me."

He smiles and I play with his hair. Then he picks me up and we go upstairs.

Dani and Jake are in the living room, I had totally forgotten that they were here. And from what I can see, I think they're back together. Jake has his arm around Dani and they're both watching Breakfast Club. Cameron puts me down.

"How'd you sleep last night?" Jake asks from the couch.

I shrug my shoulders then realize he can't see me, "It was good I guess."

"She didn't move at all." Cameron chimes in.

"Is that a bad thing?" Jake asks.

"No, it's good." Cam replies.

Dani stands up, "I'm gunna have a drink. Who wants one?"

I run into the kitchen and take out the shot glasses and all the drinks we have. "I'm in desperate need."