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› 10 › hard feelings

"you okay?"

"ricky, you okay?"

my stare leaves the ground as my eyes land on howie holding out a bottle of water in front of me. he removed the suit jacket he was wearing earlier in the night, and now it's just him in his wrinkled polo and vest.

i nod gratefully and take the drink. "yeah... i'm good."

while i take gulps of the refreshing water, i look up at the night sky glittered with stars. my back leans against the cold surface of jack's bmw and i can't help but notice how quiet it is compared to earlier - when everything around me was buzzing with noise.

the mansion of aiden brown's parents stands not too far away in front of where we are now. the lights are still on but there are barely any cars around left. it makes sense. it was exactly 4 am the last time i checked a few minutes ago.

"you don't look good. you're as pale as snow."

popping open a few of the buttons on my collared shirt, i let out a weak chuckle. my right hand is barely gripping onto the jacket i was wearing that matched my pants.

"it's weird how sober i am right now," i say, forcing a laugh.

howie shakes his head in disbelief. "dude, what the hell happened tonight? how did we end up with three knocked-out-cold people in the backseats?"

i don't know either.

instead of saying that though, i just shrug in response.

"jack was bound to happen. i was with him the entire night," he persists. "but kourtney? and nini, who showed up out of nowhere? what were you thinking?"

"it's normal to get wrecked at a party."

"you're supposed to be the responsible one. you're the oldest out of all of us."

"kourtney and i are both 21. i'm just a few months older."

"kourtney would never let herself end up like that unless you instigated it."

"we both wanted to have a little fun."

"you—"

"the night was pretty rough for me too if you've forgotten so can you please get off my back?" i snap, glaring at him. instant regret dreads inside me. i shift my gaze and kick the pavement before muttering, "sorry."

i hear howie sigh and move closer to me - only to open the door to the shotgun seat.

"i'm sorry too... let's go home, okay?"

° ° °

the car ride is silent besides a couple mumbles coming from jack and the heavy breathing coming from nini and kourtney.

it would take mere minutes to head back to ucla but with what happened, howie thought it'd be best to go to nini's apartment first and drop her off along with kourtney. a lot of media press are still roaming around the school after all; we couldn't really come in with the biggest pop star in the world knocked out cold with me present too. the internet would blow up with rumors.

i left the window to my right slightly open to get fresh air inside. it's somehow calming to hear the night wind howling this late. or i guess it's morning wind.

"miss jenn called you earlier."

i turn my attention to howie, who hasn't taken his eyes off the road.