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› 23 › unspoken

"this is where my dreams were broken - and this is where i want my biggest dream to come true," miss jenn announces dramatically as we step onto the the every same stage we did years ago.

impressively, this place must have been cleaned from top to bottom before the event. it looks nothing like the run-down theatre it was before. the floors are shiny and the lights are bright. flower decorations fill the entire space, and a white arch stands tall in the middle of the stage with a long white carpet underneath it. workers are setting everything else in place.

there's only one hour until the wedding begins.

"this. is. beautiful," kourtney says in awe as she looks around. she quickly refocuses her attention though on miss jenn. "we gotta get you into a waiting room before your groom arrives."

"oh yes! last minute rehearsals before the final show," miss jenn smiles at her before looking at me. "will you be alright or would you want to join us?"

"oh, no, i'm good," i say for the millionth time today.

she lingers her gaze on me for a moment, a twinge of doubt revealed in her eyes, before flashing me a smile and stepping away.

i'm left alone on the stage, and i stare distantly into the vast of empty seats.

if there's one thing i'm sure of today, it's that everyone thinks something is wrong with me.

and i'm starting to believe them.

° an hour and a half later °

an orchestra track plays and my dad breaks into a huge grin the moment miss jenn begins to walk down - or more accurately - up the aisle.

i put on a small smile for the crowd but deep down i feel miserable.

i should be happy.

i should be.

but why aren't i?

i have no problem with this. my dad and miss jenn... they deserve each other.

but i can't stand seeing my mom in the audience, holding onto none other than todd's hand tightly.

their closeness brings me back to the opening night of hsm.

and the more i think about that night, the more overwhelmed i feel. way too much happened then... and i really can't afford to think too deeply about it now.

i never really got the chance to like todd. i accepted him, yes, but... i don't even know him.

and now right in front of me, miss jenn and my dad face each other with bright smiles - saying vows i can barely make out.

how did it all end up like this?

it's right and wrong at the same time.

the present me wants so badly to let all that past burden go and be proud of them.

but the past me is screaming for recognition, itching to shout aloud against all this - to give me more time.

wait.

present and past?

"you're different, you know."