black lace - mattia polibio

finally at peace

disclaimer this will only be mattia's pov

ive always dreamt of my mother , but something was completely different this dream. everything feels real but its not at the same time.

" mom?"

i move my foot forward and make my way to her. her back is all i see but i know that its her. her long her flows around as she turns to make eye contact with me , she looks more calm and at peace.

" thank you my son! i can finally go , you brought me peace baby." her voice echos and i have no cue were we are. everything is just plain white , nothing is here. "go? but where?" my heart sinks. she has been gone for so long but it never really felt that way.

in this moment , i know she is leaving for good.

" i need to go see my mother, i have waited for so long to see her and the time has finally come. i needed to know that you were okay."

" no take me with you please?" i beg it feels like all the air has been knocked out of me. my lungs squeeze tightly when she turns around again. jesus i cant fucking breathe. 

she turns back to face me and smiles , this time it holds much more sadness. " its not time for you to be with me , darling. your baby needs you. your wife needs you. your duties lay with her now."

" where is she?" i look around as if i might find her here. " waiting for you. its time for us to return to the ones we belong with."

i panic , " mother." my breath comes out in desperate burst.  " please. i still need you, i don't even know how to go back. you cant leave me."

" i never did." tears gather in her eyes and her smile becomes watery. " dont let what your father did push you away from him. i have found my peace but he hasn't. and if you cant seem to find your way back , listen for her voice. ill see you soon my love. you will always and forever be in my heart." 

" wait!" i watch with dread when a blinding light overtakes her, threatening to swallow her whole. " i love you." i push out as if i've never told her those words before. 

she laughs softly under her breath , pure happiness making her eyes shine bright. " i know my love , now go and tell her the same." 

her? i lose my breath completely when the blinding light explodes and then she is gone. not a single whisper of her existence left. fuck. fuck , she is really gone this time. the back of my eyes burn and i fight the pain against the walls of throat straining for me to sob. 

goodbye mom.

i look around at the emptiness im surrounded in , panic causing ice to form in my veins.my worse fear being alone. im completely alone. being alone isnt as comforting as it once was. i need... i need.... 

"- will not be leaving." 

a new voice echoes around me and i search frantically where it is coming from. something about that voice. 

"-- dont care!" the voice breaks in and out. i strain my ears to understand what the voice is saying. " you can fuck off if you think im going to stand back like some damsel in distress while my husbands life is at stake. so if you may kindly get out of my way! i am gladly staying."

what a smart mouth. a smile overcomes me and i laugh in relief when i realize its avery. my wife. 

then there is a gasp. " mattia? matti , are you awake?" 

yeah i am , i want to say. bring me back to you. 

" matti." the sensation of the soft hands cradling my face startles me. i touch my cheek and feel the warmth of someone else. " come on baby , its me. im right here."

i do what my mother told me and follow her voice. i keep my feet grounded and take one step at a time. i desperately chase it even though i dont know exactly where its coming from. all i know is that she is here next to me and i have to go to her. i have to be with her. 

i feels as if im in the right place because the feeling swallows me whole and my whole body tightens. white light explodes around me and then....nothing. 

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it feels as if someone dropped a fucking boat on my head. my temple pulses painfully and the groan overtaking my lunges comes out forcefully but more as a croak. 

" oh my god." the same hands i felt earlier cradled my face again. it takes every last strength in  me to lift my arms. This time, im able to touch them and actually feel them and the warmth is unmistakable. " mattia?"

" you know?" my voice straggles and sounds like i haven't spoken in days. " you had the chance to run away while i was passed out. just saying." avery lightly pinches my cheek in reprimand and i laugh and groan at the same time. "  oh hush you asshole , i will not be going anywhere." 

" yeah?" she finally comes into focus and search those eyes to see if anything has changed. " thank fuck." 

she laughs too and her mouth comes to mine. saving me all over again and this time it feels like forever. when she breaks the kiss , i asked her the question that is burned at the back of my mind. " your um... father , is he dead?" 

" gone" she nods with a confirmation. 

the relief and freeness feels suffocating all at once. my mom finally at peace , god i hope that bastard is burning in hell right now. 

my fingers interwind with averys and turn her palms to my mouth to kiss it. " are you okay?"

her eyes darken , " more than. my brother told me everything , filled in all those missing pieces." 

right her brother, i still cant believe the out come of all of this. i look around the room and notice im in one of the doctors office in the mafia safe house. " i need to speak to him." 

" he should be able to explain everything," avery assures me , gently pushing me back into the bed. " just please rest , the doctor and felix have been hovering you all day. you probably dont feel recovered." 

" thats who you were telling off?" 

she blinks. " you - you heard me?" 

" i did," i pause, wondering if i should admit to what happened. " i think i was about to die , but i had the opportunity to choose between life and death. i heard your voice and knew that life was the only option. so i choose it. i choose you."

her eyes become more watery and shakes her head slowly. she brings her forehead down and it touches mine. thats when i knew she , she was my entire fucking will to live. my entire being relaxes and fills with life.  

"Te escojo a ti." she whispers against my lips. i  choose you .

"e solo tu"  i whisper back. and only you.