black lace - mattia polibio

feelings

- avery

" so avery is camila single or what?" mark smirked and i almost chocked on my water.

" wait? what? how do you even know what she looks like?" i ask him.

" i have my ways just like mattia does," he answers. " but answer the question?"

" last time i check she was but i will definitely find out for you," i smile. " just dont play with her feelings or i will hurt you."

" trust me im no where like that," he puts his hands up in defense.

" mark shut up with your lying ass, you cant even keep a girlfriend for 30 minutes because of your mixed signals." jessica slaps the back of his head.

" tell me about it," i mumble under my breathe as i took a sip of my drink.

" alejandro is there anyone your interested in?" mark asked.

" no not right now," he sips his drink.

" avery do you have your eyes on someone?" jessica asked me. i already knew my answer i just dont want to say his name.

" yes i do actually," i raise my eyebrows. it becomes quiet and i notice discomfort in mattia's face.

" do we get a name or nah???" kairi looks around.

" no you cant," i say.

" mhmmm mattia what about you?" alejandro adds.

" umm maybe," he answers not even paying attention to us. i wasnt expecting that answer and my heart just couldnt handle it anymore.

(play song)

i got up from the table and walked back to our cabana. i have an extra key so he can come back whenever he wants. i hear people calling my name from behind but i just kept walking.

as soon as i walked into the door, i just broke down. everything that i was trying to do just felt right at the time but now it doesnt. i dont get why he cant just understand my signals.

" this is just all wrong," i cry out felling a ache in my chest. " it wasnt supposed to be like this damn it."

the air around me was just getting tighter and tighter. my eyes couldnt picture anything because of the tears. my heartburn for the confirmation of his feelings but he can never seem to give it to me.

- mattia

" wait why did she leave?" i asked worriedly.

" yall have a goodnight for real," jessica rolls her eyes. " mattia you have to do better."

what the hell is she talking about?

" mattia you do realize your hurting her right?" mark shook his head and got up from the table. "you better realize what you have before it's gone."

" i will se you guys in the morning, mattia go fix something that i think you broke," kairi pats my shoulder.

i get up from my chair and stood there out of confusion. alejandro looked at me and pierced his lips together and released them.

" goodnight man," alejandro says shaking his head.

i wave bye to him and begin walking back to my room to find avery. everyone has been acting all weird like they know something i dont.

- avery

sitting alone in the dark, crying over someone who probably just wanted to sleep with me. all he wanted to do was use me as a toy , he might even kill me soon. i knew what he was doing and i stayed. he told me i could leave but i didnt want to because i got attached.

i heard someone calling my name from outside of the door. i sat on the chair and watched as the knob on the door turn. as the door opened the light from the room beamed in and i could only see the figure of the person.

" avery are you in here?" mattia calls out and closes the door. " avery , there you are. why did you run away?"

i wanted to scream and yell at him for making me feel stupid. he is so conservative with his feelings when all i want him to do is say it. i just want him to tell me the truth.

" are you crying?" he ask walking closer. " what's wrong?"

until i know how you feel, everything is wrong.

" i need you to tell me," i sniffle. i get up out of my chair to face him. " i want to hear it come out of your mouth."

" what are you talking about-" he trys to say but i cut him off.

" let me finish," i calmly say. " what are we?"

" avery, are you seri-"

" mattia i asked a motherfucking question, what are we?" i shout.

he steps closer to me and looks me into my eyes, " avery you know what this is and how we feel," he says. i yank his hands off my face and tried to find the right words to so.

" no , i know how i feel about you. i dont even know if you feel anything fo me," i shrug my shoulders. " all you wanted to do was hook-up with me."

" for godsake is that how little you think of me?" he scoffs.

" yes mattia , yes i do. you want to know why? because all we do is sleep together and we never talk about this thing between us." i shout. " do you realize that i have stayed just because of the way i feel about you , despite you not even telling me about your feelings?"

" wait your upset because i havent told you my true feelings?" he yells back.

" yes mattia because i want to understand if your just playing with me or you actually like me," i answer.

" mattia i like you so much, so much to the point im close to loving you. even after all the shit you put me through , i still feel this way about you. you make me happpy and actually feel wanted that's why i stayed. if i left i would feel alone again and i dont want that," i cried.

its all true , if i would've went back home i would feel alone again. yes i have micheal and camila but they also have their own lives too. i cant keep them from enjoying it so i wont feel alone.

if mattia doesn't feel the same way , i'll leave. i have to stop getting attached to people who are just gonna leave.

" so im gonna ask you this mattia, tell me how you feel or i am going to leave?" i say pointing to the door.

he looks at me with defeat and triumph in his eyes. he wants to cry, i can see it but he just doesn't want to. he feels like crying is for the weak, he is in a mafia so he cant cry. he just stood there looking at the floor and not one word came out of his mouth.

" i knew it," i scoof and grabbed my purse. as i was walking to the door mattia grabbed my wrist to pull me back.

" avery wait," he whispers.

" you make me so happy for god sake , its not only sex or playing with you feelings, i actually like you. avery your always on my mind and i couldn't imagine this world without you. ever since i kidnapped you , you always made it feel like a home." he expressed.

" see mattia, was it that hard? you could've told me all of this earlier," i stated.

" yes that was very hard , especially when you could lose you soulmate," he chuckled.