After Midnight

chapter twenty-one.

21 - SCARLETT
TW: depression, anxiety, sexual assault

Everything in my life has been amazing for the last week, and I can't remember the last time I said that and truly meant it.

Zayn and I have been together almost every night, just enjoying one another's company and learning so much about each other.

I learned that Zayn is a Scorpio, born on November Third. He has two dogs that he adores, and his brother is about to get married. He subtly asked me to come with him, but it wasn't quite an invitation, so I brushed it off.

We talked about our hopes for our careers and what we want the future to look like. As we continued to talk, I realized just how compatible we really are.

We both want to focus on our careers before starting a family. We're both introverted and enjoy time apart from other people. We both want to live somewhere near the ocean, as long as it's financially smart.

I never used to think about my future, but every time we approached the subject, he pulled answers out of me that I didn't even realize I had. For the first time in a long time, I want to grow older.

It's been years since I actually thought about my dream house and what future I want to make for myself. When Zayn asked me, though, the words came spilling out. I couldn't stop thinking of things I want to do and goals I want to accomplish.

I could talk to Zayn for hours, and we did some nights.

Zayn's been busy with work, so most of our conversations were on the phone. He's been keeping himself extra busy, and I can tell it's because of his dad. He's avoiding something, but I'm not going to push him to talk about it until he's ready.

Instead, I've got to focus on my own job and keeping Natalie happy.

I park in my usual spot and grab my bag before heading into the office. I'm starting to finally feel a bit comfortable here, rather than a visitor.

I walk into Natalie's office and leave her daily coffee and bagel on her desk, shutting the door behind me and sitting at my own desk.

It's nearly the end of the month, so I've got a lot of paperwork to do, leaving me busy for most of the day.

As the day slowly passes by, I can feel my energy draining. I've been so charged and extroverted for the past couple of days, but I always knew it'd come to an end. It always does.

When five o'clock rolls around, Natalie informs me I can go home as she rushes out of the office. I sluggishly pack up my stuff and walk to my car, feeling exhausted and numb all at once.

I just don't understand this. How can everything be going so well, and suddenly I completely crumble?

I rest my forehead on the steering wheel and take a few deep breaths. I can feel myself getting choked up. I'm practically begging my brain to shut off.

I can't handle another breakdown.

"Fuck," I mumble under my breath, pinching the inside of my wrist to try and calm myself down.

I groan and clench my eyes shut. "Just breathe. Breathe, breathe, breathe." I repeat, my voice merely a whisper.

My eyes sting with the familiar build-up of tears. I know as soon as the first tear falls that this one is going to be bad. They don't stop, and my small amount of mascara starts staining my face.

I dial the number without thinking, having memorized it at this point.

I pray that she answers, whispering please in between my sobs.