Sharing Pain《sambucky》

《hurts like hell》

"Thirty eight percent! Thirty eight percent is what he has to go through! So how come he is in so much fucking pain!?!" Holleres Paul Wilson, Sam's always calm and collected father. But tonight, he doesn't seem like he wants to be calm. He has been screaming the last hour, now his voice is hoarse, but that doesn't really stop him, either.

"I told you, sir, there is nothing we can do about it, it's his soulma-"

"Exactly! You want to tell me that there is a person that could survive a hundred percent of that pain when my son collapsed at not even half of it!?!" Sam violently flinches at the indication of his soulmate being dead, and his mother's claiming hand starts rubbing down his back again.

"Well, that might be true, or maybe they just life a horrible life? Abusive households aren't as rare as people believe." The doctor reports with such a stoic voice, Sam wants to smack him. This is his soulmates pain they are talking about, for Pete's sake!
"There always is the option to cut off the bond with chemicals such as painkillers, but studies already proved that the damage to ones bond is massive, so the chance of finding them would even be smaller than before."

"But what kind of chemicals, exactly? I mean..."

Sam shuts down the grown ups in the room and imagines his soulmate. Maybe they are black. Maybe they aren't. Maybe they are blond, with long curly hair, or maybe they rock dreadlocks. Maybe they are smaller than him, or maybe, with high heels taller. Maybe they have black eyes like the comforting nightsky, or blue like the deepest part of the ocean. Maybe their skin is so white, the bruises of the abuse they are going through will forever be marked on it, scarring his soulmates' soul and hurting both from the inside. Maybe his soulmate won't like him, because he is the only one able to save them and he took his precious time. Maybe his soulmate will feel betrayed by him, or maybe, one day his soulmate won't feel shit, since their body has already shut down, dead, lying on the floor, maybe miles away, maybe next door, and Sam wouldn't be able to stop it from happening since he cut off his bond-

"No." He whisperes, surprised by the way his voice cracked on the word. All eyes snap to him, and he musteres up the courage to look up.
"No chemicals. I'll survive, and I'll find my soulmate. I'm the only one able to save them, anyways. Mom, you told me that your soulmate is everything and more to you. Your soulmate is dad, which means your purpose is dad. Right? Maybe my purpose is being my soulmates' knight in shining armour."

He can basically see their jaws hit the floor, comically widened eyes staring straight at him and he swallows his pride, reaches out his hand for a handshake, smiles sweetly and thanks the doctor for his help before standing up on his legs, which are still horribly shaking from earlier. He can't help but feel dissapointed at himself for being such a wuss. He can't be selfish anymore, his soulmate is in danger.

And he needs to find them. Rather sooner than later.
So, he forces his legs to move normally, sits back down in the back seat of his car, and starts to analyse some anomalies.

For example, the 7.18 Minutes it lasted.
Or the choked up feeling afterwards.
He remembered the bruising feeling right before it started, and he remembered this nauseous feeling. His soulmate knew what was coming.

Feeling ones soulmates emotions is really rare, not everyone is allowed this ability. So, Sam thinks of himself as lucky.

In the near future, he will see it as a curse, because feeling the fear and anxiety spike up in his soulmate's gut is worse than all the hits fate has thrown his way. Because it will be a reminder for him, that he could not protect his soulmate. His soulmate suffered alone, for years, decades even, without his knowledge. It will be a reminder of his failure.

Over the years, he learns how to cover up that he is in pain, since he keeps his bond close to his chest. Nobody should know about his soulmates misery, nobody should mix into Sam's purpose.

Before he even manages to graduate, it, the crucifying pain he calls 'His soulmates biggest fear', happens exactly six times. The only warning he gets before that is the deep curling fear his soulmate feels beforehand. He also notices that for some reason his soulmate never got hurt on his left arm. That is the only body part Sam never got hurt. Or, rather, his other part of his soul never did.

Sarah, the only person he is completely honest with considering his bond, speculates that maybe his soulmate was born without one. Or, maybe, lost it to the abuse.

Those thoughts pained Sam in ways he can't describe.

While in high school, he joins all kind of clubs helping abused and depressed children, but it's not enough. No one he has ever met was hurt by electrical gadgets nor doesn't have a left arm.

In his senior year, he uses every little chance to leave Detroit, uses every classtrip, every holiday to find the one.

But to no avail.

And then, when he finishes high school, he gets sick of it. If he can't save his soulmate, he'll save everyone else.

He signs up for the air force.