Sharing Pain《sambucky》

《go easy》

Pain.

That is the first thing registering in Sam's mind as he blinks his heavy eyelids open, only to stare at an unfamiliar ceiling in an apartment.

Which is the second thing he notices.
He is not in his apartment in Lousianna or Washington DC.

A massive headache ruins his morning as he blinks awake, begging for a painkiller of any kind.
Slowly sitting up, he can't believe his eyes when exactly what he is craving lies neatly next to an full glass of water, ready for him to take.

He can't relax though. Nothing about his surroundings sparks familiarity.

But what makes this whole situation uneasy is the fact he can't remember how he got on this bed that smells like nothing at all.
It's like these sheets were washed five times a week, they smell so neutral, it isn't even funny anymore.

Next thing he realizes is that before he went away from home, he strapped on his wings, which are nowhere to be seen. He is only in a green shirt and lowhanging sweatpants.

His heart lurches in his chest, he is sitting here, in an unknown place, totally vulnerable. His mind works a mile a minute as he grabs for the lamp on the bedside table, only for the door to open.

Sam is ready to throw it towards the intruder, but is stopped when he sees the black golden plate of a very special metal arm grip the side of the door frame.

And inside steps his soulmate.
Bucky Barnes.
Worry clouds those pretty blue eyes and Sam is so relieved he isn't starring into the Assets eyes anymore, he might cry.

"Is everything alright? Your heartbeat stepped up, so I thought something... was ..wrong- Did you want to knock me out with my own lamp!?" He trails off, only to shriek in surprise, blue eyes agape. Sam chuckles nervously, not knowing how to respond.

"I guess...?" He tries, only to grimace.
"Buck, you have any idea how I got here? I don't really remember."

"You don't remember what you said?" Bucky asks in return and hurt shakes the whole bond between them. Sam ponders on that for a bit as to why Bucky could feel hurt in this situation, before he abruptly stands up.

"Oh, god! Bucky, I'm sorry, I can't believe I said that, I'm so sorry, I-" he is interrupted by his own stupidity, because he of course reached out to touch Bucky, only for him to flinch back.

Shocked silence fills the room, and Bucky's face crumbles.

"Yeah, right, sorry, Buck, I should lea-"

"NO! Oh, no, god, no, Sam, stay, please, stay. I'm sorry, I don't know why I fl-"
He bites into his bottom lip so harshly, Sam's own starts throbbing, and yes, when Bucky's teeth vanish, there is a small trail of blood on it.
"That is a lie. I do know why I flinched. It's just, you are so fucking right, I am the cause of the pain you went through, and all I can think about is you as a child, crying and screaming because you feel pain, and you can't explain why you feel that, and it's so strong, so much pain, you shouldn't even get into contact with it-!" He rants off, all the while glaring at his metal hand, curling it into a fist, only to relax it again. At the end of his rant, though, he looks up, and Sam fucking dies inside.

Vulnerable blue eyes, begging to apologize, to be understood, for something he had as much control over as Sam did. None.

"Sam, I'm so sorry!" He cries, only to lurch forward, into Sam, almost knocking him off his feet and onto the bed. Two strong arms hold him around the waist, while Bucky's head gets buried into his neck.

God, he is holding his soulmate.

He is hugging his soulmate!!!!

Who is crying.

Nah, shit!

"Buck. Hey, Bucky, Buck, come on, look up." Carefully, he eases his soulmate out of his position, molded with Sam, only to caress his cheeks and holding Bucky's head up high in the progress.

The sight is almost unbearable, tearstreeks flowing down his cheeks in long rows, whole face red. 

"Oh, Bucky... Don't cry, it isn't your fault now, is it?" Bucky seems doubtful, so Sam adds.

"Did you want to be brainwashed?"

A soft shake of the head.

"Did you want to hurt me through the bond?"

A vehement shake of the head.

Sam laughs softly, only to lean down and kiss Bucky on his adorable button nose.

"There you have your answer, Bucky. You are not at fault."

Bucky smiles softly before bringing Sam closer again, wrapping himself around him like a clingy octopus.

"Sooo, does that mean you accept me as your soulmate?" Sam asks, hopeful, but Bucky tenses up.

Dejected, he brings both his hands up to divide the two of them, when he is stopped by a wounded noise in the back of Bucky's throat.

Now, it's Bucky pushing them away, starring wide eyed at Sam's face.

"I'm in love with you." He blurt s out, and Sam's brain catches fire.
"Have been ever since you lifted that truck with only human muscle like an idiot."

"Wow, thanks."

"You're welcome. I was in love with you before I knew we were soulmates.

I don't want to reject yo-"

"Then don't!" Sam cuts in, fed up with the back and forth.

Bucky smiles, as if pained.
"If I had any control over who my soulmate is, I would want it to be you. Honestly, I would. I've been in love with you for weeks." Oh, Sam could dance.

"However, I also hate you felt all of..." He trails of, only to card a hand through his hair, lifting his hairline in the progress, revealing miniature scars lining up on his temples. Obviously done by the chair.

Sam winces in sympathy, before Bucky goes on.

"I want to be your soulmate, but not forced with the law."

"I didn't-!"

"I know you would not go through with it, I know that. But that thread alone..." Bucky's eyes get glossy and Sam wants to comfort, he just doesn't know how.
Bucky shakes his head, as if to get rid of the flashback by force, only to focus on Sam again.
"I can't forget about it. So before we dive into this whole soulmate thingy, I want us to talk.
Talk about who we are, what we like, what we dislike, triggers, anything.

I know I've been in love with you for a while, but I don't want us to be forced to fall in love because of some unknown bond. I want to-

I want to love you by myself."

Bucky finishes off, and Sam is stunned into silence.

Agitated, Bucky hits his forearm gently.
"Say something!"

"I like that. I like that idea a lot!"