Sharing Pain《sambucky》

《don't blame me 》

"...love made me crazy.
If it doesn't, you ain't doing it right!
Lord, save me, my drug is my baby
I'd be using for the rest of my life!"

Sam sings at the top of his lungs, screaming out his heart of broken shreds.

No, not his heart.

Bucky's.

It belongs to him now.

What a shame he doesn't want it.

Sam sobs again, blurry eyes trying to stop the tears from falling, but once again, he fails.

He wails, sobs, cries, mourns a love that hasn't even begun, but is destined to fail.

He screams, protests, curses and flips the birds at HYDRA, Steve, Arnim Zola, Alexander Pierce, all of Bucky's exes, and Bucky in general for making it so hard for Bucky to trust and love.

It's so difficult loving such a broken soul, Sam is about to quit it all.

His drunken mind is way more honest as his sober one, so here he is, emotionally drowning his sorrows and emptying his heart to the ground of a liquor bottle. His tongue is numb from all the liquid he drank these last hours, he doesn't even remember what drink it was filled with.

He doesn't even really remember where his body is, but nothing else  matters more than his goddamn heart.

He knows where his heart is.

It's with Bucky.

It is Bucky

And it is in goddamn Brooklyn.

Right after Sam threatened Bucky, the man took off, but assured the Wilson household he won't move a muscle without confronting them first.

But it hurt so much to see the man go, Sam swears he changed the exact moment, and hasn't been the same ever since. Everyday, when he stares at his reflection, his eyes grow colder, harder.

Less alive.

More like a walking corpse.

That s what it feels like anyway.

His heart is beating in his chest while also being with Bucky, getting stomped on by the blue eyes man, but the more distance Bucky puts between them, the more Sam feels like dying.

It's not fair.

Its so not fucking fair Sam has to suffer through this bind so much, while Bucky gets to walk around being happy and refusing to acknowledge their connection.

Sam made a mistake threatening Bucky, he gets that, but still.
Bucky didn't have to be so mean to threaten Sam in return, pressing his whole body against the black man and telling him, inches from his lips, by the fucking way, that if Sam wants to keep Bucky here, he should invest in a thick, metal leash.

Their close proximity and the mental image made it... hard for Sam to register the words as the threat they were meant to be.

But before Sam could live out his... outrageous fantasies, Bucky took off, leaving him to pick up the shreds of his shattered heart all on his own.

What a damn fucker Bucky is.

"Fuck you, James Buchanan Barnes!" He screams, kicking his legs like a reluctant child as he stares up to the blue sky above him.

"Fucking fuck you!
You and your shitty glaring attitude!
Fuck you and your stupid world war 2 references that nobody but history geeks get!
Fucking fuck your pretty blue eyes, and damned smile and your whole smartass personality!
Fuck you!"

He doesn't expect his view to change from skyline blue, to ice like blue as the man he just cursed out pops up, leaning over his dramatically-on-the-ground lying form.

"Woah..." Sam sighs, immediately calm after starring at Bucky's beloved face.

"What a pretty boy you are..." Sam coos, and his drunken mind doesn't stop his mouth by biting off his tongue and leaving him to bleed out on the floor.

No, instead he reaches with his arms towards a red faced super soldier.

He is this drunk, let me tell you.

"You are..." He slurrs and Bucky in turn looks worried as fuck.

"What a pretty baby you are. All mine... or you should be, but you are selfish..." Sam continues, starring up to the super soldier, who is avoiding the eye contact, as if his second name wasn't starring machine.

What a dumbass!

"'m talking to you, y'know...?"

He receives no answer.

"Bucky..." He drawls.

Still no sound.

"Baby, come on, we 'aven't seen each 'ther in fo'ever,-"

"What are you doing here, Sam?" Bucky cuts in, voice cold and hard.

"Where is here!" Sam snarcks back, refusing to believe Bucky is mad at him.  Why would Bucky be mad at him, he did no wro-

"Here, as in Brooklyn."

Wait, what?

"You must be mistaken, I'm in Lou-"

"You are lying on my apartment building's roof, in Brooklyn." Bucky seethes, his pretty jawline more defined by his teeth clattering against each other.

His teeth. One of them used to be filled with poison, but Sam saved him from that.

What a good soul mate he is.

In an instant, Bucky's eyes are on his, narrowed and agitated, although Sam doesn't know wh-

"You? A good soulmate? Where? You know, there are some soulmates that give their other half a choice and don't threaten immediately with the law. Or, you know, give them some fucking space  like they asked for.
And some don't get drunk on their soulmates rooftop, only to scream about their second world war references!" Bucky spits, mad and fuming.

And so unbelievably handsome.

God, someone get Sam a gag, because he is about to say something stupid, hos drunk mind cannot stop that, please, he knows it will be dark, and he'll hate himself and it has nothing to do with Bucky's hot self, it will be ugly and, most importantly, it will hurt Bucky, so, no don't say it, don't fucking say it, you moro-

"Well, most soulmates didn't have to go through multiple electroshock as a seven year old, because they aren't soulmates with the fucking winter soldier."

The silence that follows is painful and obvious.

But the door slamming shut after Bucky's retreating form hurts Sam more than Bucky's torture back then ever could.

A/N: Hey, y'all I'm back! Surprise!

I'm not even sure what this chapter is, but seriously, Sam in the movies as well as in the series has a sharp tongue and the annoying habit of speaking and then thinking, so don't come @ me, we all know he would blurt something like this out.

Poor Bucky😭😭😭

However, yeah, that's it for today, thanks for waiting for me and not pushing an update!

Also, did y'all see!

17k reads on "the one forgiven sin" RAAAAAARRRRR HOWWWW

ILYSM!

But if I may ask, which one do you all prefer? Just so I know in what kind of type to write in the near future :)