Havoc

Better than words

|Calum's POV|

"But my dreams of normality are woken up to the nightmare of reality."
.......
I had written that quote just hours ago, before I had lifelessly fallen to sleep. The dreams haven't stopped since that fight. The very dream that haunts my mind as I try so hard to erase the thought. The thought of her knowing I'm a monster.
........

"Calum! What are you doing?!" She yelled. All the screams and eternal cheers are nothing as her voice could be heard over them all.

I turn to look at her searching the crowd for those big blue eyes. I catch her, staring at me like I'm some sort of different life form. Her eyes are laced with hate and fear while her face is etched with shock and disappointment.

As I stare at her pale face. A tear streamed down her once rosy cheeks as she begins to run for the door. "Ella!" I call out after her. I jump over the rings running through the crowd, ignoring all the comments and people trying to get autographs.

The door.

I run for it, not daring to look back, as I know he's watching me. Watching me make a fool out of him.

"Ella!" I call again, searching the parking lot frantically. Where is she? I place my hands over my head and scream falling to the floor.

Small footsteps behind me are heard and a hand is placed over my shoulder. I turn my head around letting the tears pour out of my once cheerful eyes.

"Please, forgive me ella." I beg grabbing her hand placed on my shoulder and standing up to face her.

"How could you ask for forgiveness...when you've become a monster" she replies letting go of my hand and walking away. I stare at her as she leaves. Her body slowly fades out and soon she's gone.

"I'm so sorry Ella. I'm sorry" I whisper as darkness consumes me.

..........

My eyes spring open. Sweat drips down the side of my face. My bare chest, which is already covered in small droplets of sweat, rises and falls rapidly.

I can't lose her. I just can't.

I pull the covers off me and walk out to the kitchen. I halt in my tracks when I find Mali sitting there casually staring off into space.
I creep over looking at her intently.
"You okay?" I ask furrowing my brows. She jumps and shakes her head vigorously as she takes a quick glance over at me and gives a small smile before turning around and taking a sip of her water.

"Oh yeah, sorry. I was just thinking" she replies still looking at nothing.

"You sure?" I ask with a small laugh "you look so out of it. Are you on drugs?" I question putting a hand over my heart as if I'm hurt.

"Nope" she answers taking another sip of her water.

"Mali?" I ask once again taking seat next to her, she's making me worried now.

"Why didn't you tell me that Niall was back?" She asks looking at me with sad eyes.

"Mali, I didn't think it mattered...I mean you guys made it clear you didn't love eachother"
I said tapping my finger on the counter.

"It's not that simple Cal." She replies, and I nod for her to continue. "People always say they don't love someone. It makes it easier to say goodbye. It makes it easier for them to move on. Forget"

"Is that what you did?" I ask still tapping the counter.

"Yeah" she assures "now he's back and I don't want to bring up those feelings."

"Just talk to him Mali, things might be different...he might be different" I say patting her shoulder. Ive never really comforted her before so I'm lost at what to do. Typical Calum Hood.

"He's no different than the last time. People like that don't change" she sighs standing up. "Night Cal"

"Mali?" I call and she turns around and raises her eyebrows. "Follow your heart" she smiles and begins to walk to her room. "If you tell anyone I said that I'll deny it and say you accidentally kissed our cousin"

"Shut up Calum, that never happened" she laughs before opening her door and shutting it quietly behind her.

I smile at myself before I get up and grab a glass of milk.

I lied to Mali. I said Niall might have changed, but she was right. People like that don't change, Niall...doesn't change. He's the same as last time, just more Tatts and piercings.

I walk to my room and slump onto my bed.

I sigh running a hand through my hair. I look around for some way to entertain myself, thats when my journal catches my eye.

I walk over and grab it, also grabbing my led pencil and acoustic black guitar. It's fucking gorgeous.

I check the time and it's 5:21am...im sure no one will hear if I played a few strings.

I start to ponder lyrics in my head, trying to find a perfect song.

"For awhile we pretended that we never had to end it, but we knew we had to say goodbye."

I stare at the paper for a while. Wondering if the lyrics work. I begin writing again, agreeing mentally that this song will be okay.

"You were crying at the airport when they finally closed the plane doors,
I could barely hold it all inside.

Torn in two,
And I know I shouldn't tell you,
But i just can't stop thinking of,

You...
Wherever you are,
You...
Wherever you are.

Every night I almost call you,
Just to say it always will be you...

Wherever you are."

I write the lyrics down as soon as they come to mind, keeping a perfect flow.

"I can fly a thousand oceans,
But there's nothing that compares to what we have and so I walk a-lone.

I wish I didn't have to be gone,
Maybe you've already moved on,
But the truth is- I don't want to know.

Torn in two,
And I know I shouldn't tell you but I just can't stop thinking of you...

Wherever you are,
You...
Wherever you are.

Every night I almost call you just to say it always will be you...

Wherever you are.

You can say we'll be together some day,

But Nothing lasts forever,
Nothing stays the same.

So why can't I stop feeling...
This way...
yeah...

Torn In two,
And I know I shouldn't tell you but I just can't stop thinking of,

You...
Wherever you are,
You...
Wherever you are."

I re-read the lyrics over and over again, trying to find a tune to these words that have effortlessly flown from my mind to my hand.

After about an hour I get it down pack. The lyrics are perfect and the sound is perfect...

I put my guitar back in the stand and hide my journal.

No one has heard me sing, nor does anyone know I can.

A guy like me doesn't sing. A guy like me doesn't keep a journal or play guitar.

A guy like me never gets the girl.

__________________

Sorry it took so long to update 💁
I promised it would be up about a week ago *about a week ago, week ago* < see what I did there... I apologise, I'm lame 😂

But I have started the next chapter, don't knew when it's gonna be done, but fingers crossed it's soon😘

Love always
-Maddie xx 💕