Havoc

Alone

|Ella's POV|

Alone.

I'm actually alone. Everyone that I care most deeply about is disappearing. Leaving me to mend my own life. The only ones I have now is Indie and Aunty Cole. The two I need more now than I think I ever will.

I sit up from my dads grave and give it one last look as I start to walk away. Walking past all the graves and seeing others cry. There crying like me, I know I'm not alone in this and that there are so many others that feel the pain I'm feeling. But I do feel alone. I feel like no one will be there to catch me if I was to fall. That no one will be there to guide me through the hard times. I can't depend on indie, she's a much younger girl, I can't lean on her for support when i know she feels the same. I can't talk to her about it because I need to be a bigger person and show her that I can handle bumps in the road, that i can handle all the curves and cracks.

But truth be told I can't. I'm broken because of this road and I don't think I'm fixable.

Starting my car, it ignites with a roar of the engine. Looking out the glass window i think about myself. I think about what I'm going to do now I'm on my own. I'm just a small girl, and this is a big world? Why am I still here? I can go and live life with no worries, but I choose to stay right here in the middle of California. Good idea Ella, smother yourself with depressing surroundings. Just leave.

No I can't.

I can't just up and leave, indie's here and I can't take her with me. Everything I do now will have to be thought about twice. I don't have just me to look after, I have indie. I need to make decisions based on both of us. I can't just think about myself anymore.

********

I'm about 45 minutes away from home when my car starts to clonk out. You have got to be kidding me. What a day for such a thing.

I pop the hood and get out to check the engine. As soon as the hood is open, steam comes gushing out and into the cold California air.

"Fuck." I sigh and cuss to myself.

I can't believe the outcome of today.

I just want to go home and sleep. I can't handle this anymore. I just can't deal with so much stress in one day. My fucking head is going to shit itself and I'm going to end up crying or raging. It's just to much now. It might seem little, your car breaking down. But you go and you bury your second parent and sit there for 3 hours grieving and then come to a halt in your tracks when your car shits itself, so excuse me for being a little exhausted right now. But I find this hard to cope with.

I close the hood and sit on the curb in front of my car. I put my head in my hands and shake my head. This day is just shit.

"Are you okay?" I voice asks from behind me.

"Yeah." Without looking I answer Blankly. I have no emotion. It's to exhausting.

"You sure?" Wait. Is that...?

I turn my head around and roll my eyes. Calum. This day can't actually get any fucking worse! Seriously.

"I'm sure Calum" I shake my head once more.

"My house is just down the street you can come inside and stuff" he says

"Nope. I'm good, don't really want to go with you" I mumble and then sigh closing my eyes.

"Fuck, I was just asking" I hear his footsteps behind me get softer as he walks away. I sigh once more.

I get my phone out to call 'cab-go'.

The line answers but it's not what I was hoping for.

"Hi.

The Milari Cab-Go is closed, sorry for the inconvenience."

"Are you actually kidding me" I half yell as i stuff my phone in my pocket violently.

Not kidding, like 2 minutes after that call it starts to rain. I have said this so many times tonight. But this god damn day. Can. Not. Get. Any. More. Fucked.!

I quickly get up and sit in my car. I'm soaked. I'm dripping water all in my 1973 mustang and I'm pissed. I'm so angry right now I can't explain. I just can't deal with all the shit that's happened after my mum died. My grades went down in school, my boyfriend dumped me for my best friend who isn't my friend anymore (obviously), my dad... I don't understand. I don't understand why this shit keeps happening to me. Why I keep getting messed up! I just want to be normal, all I have ever wanted was to have a normal family, with normal family dinners. But I didn't get any of that. My childhood. everything from 12 years old had been compete bullshit! I bang my fists against the steering wheel and let out a loud scream.

I start to think about how I'm alone. I'm alone and I blame myself. I'f i wasn't such as cow to everyone, maybe my life would be different right now. Maybe I could be living a normal life. A normal job. A normal home. A normal family.

But I'm alone. And that's just how it is.

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Yay! Chapter 2 done!

My phone has been so bad lately, it keeps playing up so I haven't updated. I'll edit it soon and do all errors :))

So yeah, Vote and comment.! Tell me what you really think! :*

<3 Mads xxx