Havoc

Nervous Situation

|Ella's POV|

There's so much certain people can take.
Some can take very little, others a lot more.
I'm one who can take very little before my breaking point gets cracked open.
It's been cracked. It's been resealed. Yet it's never been totally whole.
Calum...he makes it feel whole, makes me feel whole.
He makes things seem better when realty is, there totally messed up.
He has a way of making you see things completely differently...yet all he's doing now, is making the problem worse.

It's been a week and two days since we've last spoken. A part of me wonders of were still together...
You don't just stop taking to your partner so suddenly, expecting that one another is totally okay with that.

"Are you alright?" Ashton asks walking outside and sitting in the hammock in front of me.

"Fine" I reply with a smile, though it doesn't reach my eyes.

"I uh, invited Calum over for a bit" he says looking at me expectantly.

"Oh okay, I'll go and see brooke or Taliah" I shrug.

"No, I want you here" he whines.

"Ashton, no." I sigh rubbing my forehead.

"Ella, this is so fucking stupid. Seriously you guys need to work your shit out, not only are you all depressed and shit but Calum never wants to leave his house! I practically forced him to come over!" He yells raising his hands as he stands up frustratingly.

"It's not that simp-"

"No, your making it 'not that simple'" he mocks.

I stare at him with furrowed brows biting he inside of my cheek. "Whatever" I huff as I stand up and walk inside.

"Ella!" I ignore his calls and continue up Yeh stairs to my room. I'm pissed off...but I'm happy. I Havant seen Calum since that night...I'm mixed emotions right now, I don't know how to feel.

I slam the door and plop onto my bed and close my eyes with a loud sigh. "Life is complicated"

Only because you make it that way.

My self conscious battles with me and i'm starting to believe it's right.

What happens when he comes over? What happens then ashton?
I shake my head, the thought making me exhausted already.
What do I say? What will Happen? I'm so lost as to what is going to happen, I'm contemplating just leaving because I don't want to face the multiple outcomes of this fucked up situation.

A soft knock bring me from my thoughts.
"Come in" I mumble turning around so my face is against the soft delicacy of my pillow.

"He's on his way" I feel the bed dip beside signalling Ash has sat down.

"Kay" I reply, my voice being muffled due to my face still in the pillow.

"I can tell your mad Ella, you don't hide your feelings very well" he laughs. I roll my eyes under my eye lids and let out another massive sigh. "I'm sorry"

I lift my head and look at him with a dead serious expression "It doesn't matter if you say sorry because your not. It doesn't matter if you did this for my sake. You only apologise when you feel like what you've done or said is utterly disastrous and you can't take it back, all you've done is invite Calum over who I am fighting with and who I don't know is still in a relationship with me and who kind of hate right now but hey, your sorry right? So it's fine" I admit and face plant into my pillow once more with a big sigh.

"Jesus, Ell-"

I cut him off by immediately jumping up and giving him another dead expression "No! You don't get to Jesus Ella me right now! You know I'm not ready to talk it out! You know I'm nervous and scared and...and-" I relax, taking a deep breathe and seat myself next to ashton who's expression is shocked and a little amused. "And completely in love with him"

We sit there in silence for a moment pondering on our heads what to say next. A few minutes pass by and we are still sitting here, not saying anything. Just kind of enjoying the silence for once.

"I'm in love with him and I wish I wasn't" I admit, breaking the silence I crave too much. He doesn't take his eyes off of the same position he's been staring at this whole time, neither do I. We just stare at the same spot as we talk.

"Why's that?" He asks still not pulling his face from my shoe box on the floor.

I sigh yet again. It's kind of my signature move now. "I know we'd never last and I hate the feeling of knowing that." I shrug even though Ash isn't looking at me.

"What makes you think you won't last?" He asks, he knows what I'm going to say, he's just pushing it out of me so he doesn't have to say it himself.

I'm so frustrated. I just want an easy life. That all... I just want that. That simple as fuck line is all I need...but can't have.

"Because...Calum keeps secrets, and we all know what kind"

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