Havoc

Gotta be me

Ella's POV

It's been 2 months since I spoke to Calum last, he hasn't rung or text, so I've assumed the worst. I can't help but feel guilt. Maybe I was too harsh? My mind says no but my body aches for him...

No. He has made his choice Ella. It may hurt but you have to get through it.

There's a hole in the middle of my heart, If it mends it mends but if not I have to start again. - Conrad Sewell your lyrics explain my fucking life.

I have to move on. If Calum can move on without me and continue his stupid fighting than I'll forget I ever met him. I'll move on and be happy without him. I don't need him, I can do anything.

I grab my keys and head out the door, leaving my house a compete mess my caring to clean it, I don't have a single care to do so, so I won't. Ash can clean it if he has a problem. Ashton, well I haven't seen him since Thursday which was exactly 48 hours ago. No idea where he went but I'll be damned if he's with Calum.

I wrap my coat further around my body, fixing my scarf. It was winter and it was getting ridiculously cold now and I regret wearing tights, should have worn seven pairs of trousers.

A gust of wind rushes by and I stop in my tracks. Taking in the cold breeze on my bare skin. I sigh in annoyance because no matter how hard I try to forget and hate him, it's never going to happen. I love him, stupid of me to but he makes me so happy... well he did. He broke me... and he doesn't seem to care. I've cried almost every night, dwelling the fact that he's gone. I feel lost. I am so broken. I haven't felt this shattered since I lost... yeah.

I never would have given up on us. Not like he did. He just left, without even thinking, like it was the right thing. All he had to do was say yes, "yes Ella I'll give it up... for you" but no... he gave me up instead.

I find myself at a small park. It's a bit darker now, I've been walking for what feels like hours. Just sitting in my own thoughts. I'm captive inside my mind, I can't think clearly or process things anymore. I hate it because I feel like I can't function without him. I can I just need to prove to myself and everyone else I can do it.

I just need a break first, somewhere I can go to just relax and forget about this, just for a little while I can pretend I'm fine. Pretend I'm happy. Pretend that I'm myself again.