Slowly Healing (Sequel to Jerk Theory)

Chapter 26

Falling Inside the Black - Skillet
Goodbye - Miley Cyrus
This Time Around - Tove Lo

Who else likes the new cover?!

*Alyssa's P.O.V.

Alyssa.

The envelope with my name sit there on my bed mocking me. Whatever is inside that envelope could either break me, or fix me. I'm leaning more towards the break me idea, because lately everything with Louis has been breaking me.

Whether or not to open the envelope is the question, but I can't find the answer. I've been told in times where I can't find the answer to listen to my heart, but I wish my heart would be easier to listen to. My mind it never shuts up either, it's even louder than my aching heart.

I want relieved from this pain, but by opening this and seeing the contents it may kill me. Part of me wants to open it, but the other part doesn't. I can't explain it.

Listen to your heart it'll be easy. They say, it's easy if it's not you.

"You know just sitting there staring at it won't make you feel better, either open it or throw it away." I hear a voice from behind me.

"Grant, it's not that simple. This envelope holds the last piece of my heart."

"Alyssa, please just listen to me, okay?" And I nod, curious as to what is about to come out of his mouth. "I say this out of love, but you need to focus on other things, for instance your child. Louis is just a guy. There are plenty of others in the world, like Luke. I'm not saying use him as a rebound, but it's pretty obvious he cares for you. How about you focus on the family you with have in a few short months. You are in your third trimester now, you can't keep this up."

"It hurts like hell knowing that I destroyed him! I did this to him! I deserve all of this! I'm the one that cheated. I'm the one that lied about it. I don't deserve to be loved by anyone. I'm a disgrace and I regret coming back. I should've just stayed in America."

"What is this bullshit I'm hearing out of my baby sister's mouth?" I hear the voice of the only person, beside Louis, that I need.

"Caleb? What are you doing here?" I ask.

"What I can't pay a visit to my sister because I missed the baby shower?" He asks in fake sadness.

"No you can, it just - I don't know." I say honestly, running my fingers through my hair.

"Relax, Elizabeth and I decided it was time for you to meet your nephew, but before that happens I need to give you a serious chat. I know this is a little over due, but how stupid could you be?"

"Caleb, I didn't mean to get pregnant! Do you really think I would have her if I wasn't stupid, or if I was never sent over seas."

"Alyssa, you can't blame your sins on everyone else. You know what happened to Adam and Eve, they were kicked out of the garden. This is your own wrong doing."

"I just want things to go back to normal. Before I met Luke, when it was just Louis and me. Things were simpler then."

"You can't have everything simple in life. Life is not simple. It's full of roller coasters, and Alyssa you need to face your fear. You have to be taught a lesson for your mistakes. Your lesson is losing the one you love."

"Caleb you're supposed to be on my side through all of this. You're just like everyone else! They are all siding with him in this. He hurt me as well, we both said things we didn't mean and now we're suffering. I understand this baby thing is my fault, and if I could got back I would, but I can't." I say crying.

"Alyssa-" he starts but I cut him off.

"No, just drop it. You've made your choice. I think you should leave." I say opening the door, and he walks out and faces me.

"Read the letter, Alyssa. It'll help you." He says closing the door behind him.

I pick up the letter, that is sitting on my bed, and examine it. I need to do this its, their right read this letter will give me closure.

I quickly open the envelope and pull the folded piece of paper that hold the words of my lover.

My Love Alyssa,
This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you, trust me. If you are reading this you know by now that I have left. I wanted to write something that you could keep to remember me by, for I have no intention of returning. Trust me on this love. It's better for both of us if I just leave. I wish I could just forget everything that happened the past year, but I can't.

Please don't wait around for me. Live a happy life. Fall in love. Live your life. I don't want you hurting waiting for something I can't promise you. I can't promise you my return. Don't be afraid to fall in love with someone. I'll never be able to love some as I did you, but babe don't wait for me.

I'm an idiot, I know and I already regret my decision. I wish I could stay, but I can't. There's nothing to stay here for anymore. I'm sorry, love. I hope you understand. I didn't leave because of you, I left for you. You've only ever loved one, and you deserve better. You deserve someone that can support you and your daughter. Someone like Luke.

I can predict by now, if you're still reading, that you're wondering why. That's the thing, I can't give you a why because I don't know the answer, or answers to any of your questions. Now babe, stop crying, I can't even imagine your pretty face getting hurt by the words I've said to you. If you need help moving on, you're welcome to have anything in my room that will give you closure.

I'm really sorry this is the way things had to be. I love you dearly, and with never love another, but you deserve to love someone who won't do what I've done. Maybe, one day, we will be reunited and we may be able to start again, but I'm giving your heart a break. Don't strain yourself.

I love you,
Louis xx

There was no stopping the tears that were coming out now. I was crying through parts of my body I never thought I could. The pain was everywhere, and I was stuck. I was stuck standing in the middle of my bedroom floor, not moving. My whole body was stuck in one place and the only thing I could think of, was how this is all my fault.

If I had only told him.

It's all my fault.

A/N: I was going to out louis in the chapter but decided not to. He'll (hopefully) be in the next chapter.

IM SO SORRY IT WAS NEARLY A TWO WEEK WITHOUT AN UPDATE! I just had a hard time with this chapter. Please take this cookie as an apology.

Guys! IM 16 and haven't been kissed! Goals.

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-Autumn

P.S. What's this I hear about Zayn cheating on Perrie?