Amnesia - 5 Seconds of Summer
18 - One Direction
IM NOT DEAD!
*Four months later*
It really hurts.
It hurts having the love of your life rip your heart out of your chest. I'm still recovering. I read the words that he wrote me everyday. It hurts every time. I've thought about going to see his family, to help give me some closure but I'm the reason he left and I'm sure they know it.
Kenna acts like it's not my fault he left, but I know she's blaming me for everything. She's a trooper. I wish I could be as strong as her during this but it's hard.
He was her brother.
He was my love.
Louis.
The guy I was supposed to marry.
Now I have to live the rest of my life with this regret. I can't move on, if I know that the only guy I will ever love is him. He's the one I can always depend on. He makes me happy.
Well could, my subconscious tells me.
I've been opening up the same wounds over and over again.
The only guy I'll ever love could be dead, and I wouldn't know it.
Not a single answer. He's ignored my calls, and my texts. It says he's read them, but he never answers. My life has just gotten worse, and it's spiraling out of control.
Caleb doesn't know what to do.
Grant doesn't know what to do.
Luke doesn't know what to do.
They try, and I appreciate it, but the only thing that will make me whole again is being in Louis' arms again. Laying beside him and listening to his heart beat was my favorite thing.
Bum bum. Bum bum. Bum.
I remember the beat as if it was my favorite song.
I can still hear his voice when I begin feeling insecure.
All I ever do is think about him.
"Alyssa, can please help me?" Luke says interrupting my thoughts, walking in with Carter.
"Hey baby girl, what's wrong?" I ask my crying daughter, taking her from Luke. "Hey Luke, thanks for you know helping out and all. I mean compared to me, you've been helping out more. I'm such an awful mother." I say.
"Hey Alyssa, look at me." Luke says, and I look at him. "You're not an awful mother, she's only been here for two weeks, you're fine. Besides, I don't mind helping out she is my daughter too. It's not like your asking me a lot. I love sending time with her, and you. You're going through a lot right now, you know with Louis leaving and everything."
"It's really hard loving someone who really hates you." I say beginning to cry.
"Hey, no crying. Alyssa, I know this is going to sound extremely rude, but it's been four months. You need to move on. Listen to what Louis said and find happiness. Our child is here, and you do need to grow up a little."
"I know he said to find happiness and mover on, but how can I if I never got a proper goodbye. I broke him again. I need to know if he's okay. I haven't heard from him since the note. I haven't heard his voice since the baby shower." I say forgetting that I have my daughter in my arms.
"We can continue this later, I need to take care of my daughter." I say walking out in the middle of our argument.
"Hey baby girl, what's wrong? Why were you crying for daddy?" I ask, rocking Carter in my arms, and walking into the kitchen to warm her bottle.
"You were born without sin, and brought into a world full of it. There's things mommy regrets doing, but I love you. I will never regret having you." I say to my daughter who doesn't understand anything but eating, sleeping, and crying.
When I hear the timer go off I grab her bottle, and feed her.
It's crazy to think that we were all like this at one time, young and innocent. Then we make mistakes and never let them go. They eat at us for the rest of our life. Even if we say we're over it we never really are.
Part of me will never forget the mistakes I've made.
A/N: Dude it's been five years! Sorry bout that, I've been busy, and going through a lot and was never inspired.
I finally felt inspired, thanks to a certain boy...
But yeah...
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Slowly Healing (Sequel to Jerk Theory)
FanfictionIt's been 6 months since Alyssa was shipped back to America. She stayed with her Uncle Mitchell and his son Grant and finished high school. Her parents had hoped this would help her, but things happened while she was away. She lost contact with Loui...
