JL OS

Thoughts

As Jennie closed the door behind her, Lisa looked up from her phone and smiled in greeting.

"Hey," she said, smiling as Jennie fell face-first onto the bed. "Finally got her to sleep?"

Jennie groaned. "Why are kids so energetic," she said into the blanket.

"You're one to talk."

"Done with your game?"

"Lost. They really need to fix the match-making system, I keep getting paired with players who have way better cards than I do."

Jennie sat up and crawled over to Lisa, laying her head in the crook of Lisa's arm.

"But you beat them most of the time anyway, don't you?"

"Well, yeah, but for players who are less skilled than I am, they're going to really have a hard time."

"I love you," said Jennie.

Lisa looked down at her quizzically. "What?"

"Nothing. Just felt like saying it."

"Half a week of babysitting and you want kids? You know that's not biologically possible no matter how hard we try, right?"

"What? No, I'm too tired for that right now."

Jennie grinned as Lisa's laughter shook her whole body, moving Jennie's head in the process. The giggles went on for a while, and when Lisa calmed down, she reached over with her free hand and stroked Jennie's hair gently.

"So what was that about? Was it something our lovely goddaughter said?"

"It got me thinking."

"About having kids?"

"No!" Jennie smacked Lisa's thigh. "Too tired!"

"You don't seem very tired," smirked Lisa, setting her phone on the bedside table.

"You know what she said to me? She asked, 'Auntie Jennie, what happens when you die?'"

Lisa raised her eyebrows. "Wow. And what did you say?"

"Well, you know I want her to have an open mind. So I told her some people think you go to heaven, but other people think that it's just like sleeping forever and nothing happens after you die. And some people also believe that they will be born again as someone else, or maybe something like a puppy or a bird."

"Did you actually discuss reincarnation with a seven year old?"

"She was open to the idea of becoming a kitten but rejected all fish."

"Wow," said Lisa again, leaning back on her pillow. "Minmin, you are growing up so fast. And that's why you're upset? Because you were thinking about death with a seven year old?"

"No." Jennie sat up and crossed her arms. "Afterwards she said to me, 'That was very interesting, Auntie Jennie. But I mean to ask, what happens when YOU die? Will Auntie Lisa marry someone else?'"

Lisa snorted. "This is gold. Your answer?"

"I told her probably," said Jennie.

When she didn't say anything else, Lisa glanced over to see Jennie frowning at her knees. Lisa let out a small sigh and scooted closer.

"Jen."

"What?"

"It's just something she was wondering about, she doesn't mean anything by it. She loves you."

Jennie's jaw tightened. "It's not that," she said. "I know she wasn't trying to be malicious."

"Is this about me marrying someone else?"

"Probably."

"I'm no—"

"Don't tell me you're not going to, because you never know," said Jennie.

Lisa rolled the blanket out from under Jennie's feet. "I wasn't going to say that." She tugged it up to cover their knees and pulled Jennie to lean on her shoulder. "What I was going to say was this: I'm not worried about what happens after you die, or what happens after I die. Because that's in the future, hopefully a long way away still. And thinking too much about that will reduce whatever we have now to some kind of 'precursor' to an end."

Jennie didn't say anything.

"Sure, I might marry someone else. And you might, too, if I die first."

"No."

"I thought you said you'll never know?"

"That was for you. I'm sure I won't."

Lisa put an arm around Jennie. "You really never know, Jen. We can't control the future at all, so how can we say what we will or will not do? But that's beside the point. What I'm trying to say is, I like where we are now. I love where we are now. I love our apartment, I love babysitting for Soobin, I love Minmin, I love you. And I don't want to taint what I have now by thinking of what happens when it ends."

"But it will end," said Jennie quietly.

"It will," agreed Lisa. "But until then, the only thing I need to concern myself with is the present. I only need to think of you. And that's the same for you, Jen."

For a moment, neither of them said anything. Then Jennie shifted slightly and raised Lisa's hand to her lips, pressing a kiss onto her knuckles.

"Okay," Jennie said.

"I love you."

"I'm sleepy."

"You're not going to say it back? After that moving speech?"

Jennie moved away from Lisa and settled down onto her pillow. "Turn off the lights."

"Jennie?"

"I love you too, stupid. Turn off the lights."

Muttering to herself, Lisa stretched and flipped the light switch. "You're really out of shape if you're this tired from just putting Minmin to bed," she said into the darkness.

"Kids sap all my energy."

"So...are we going to discuss children?"

"I'm tired, Lili. Not now."

"No fun."

"You, by yourself, are all 2.5 kids I will ever need."

"I'm a statistic now?"

"Good night."

"Jen..."

"Stop talking. Sleep."

"Yes, mom."