𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐀.

𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘸𝘰.

𝘡𝘢'𝘕𝘰𝘷𝘢 𝘙𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘴.

𝐀𝐓𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐀, 𝐆𝐄𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐈𝐀.
𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 26, 2018.

"you excited?" spanky asked me. it was currently 2 in the morning and we were discussing the surprise jayden announced to me yesterday.

"i'm nervous." i said.

"you think shit gon be different?"

"i don't expect things to be the same." i twisted my lips, "but i also don't expect a drastic change. i'm still her daughter at the end of the day. it's not hard to relearn somebody you gave birth to, right?"

"shit, ion know. when is the trip?"

"it's sometime next month. jayden never gave me an exact date." i told him and he nodded. "i have a question."

"i might have a answer." he said, causing me to roll my eyes.

"have you ever loved somebody before? i mean like, besides your family." i twisted my lips.

"bold of you to assume i love my family." he said.

i smacked my lips, "spanky be serious for once."

"do you hear yoself?"

"nevermind i'll ask someone else."

"yea i loved somebody befo. why? you thinkin' 'bout lovin' on somebody?" he asked.

"something like that. when did you know you loved that person?" i asked.

"i knew i loved the bitch when i got with her after she just had her 4th child by somebody else." he scoffed. must've been referring to joseline.

"cario." i stale faced him.

"aight ima be serious. i knew i loved joseline after we started spending hella time together just getting to know each other. i knew it when she started telling me shit she never told nobody and i started telling her shit i only told you. i knew it when i was forming a bond with all her bastards and we was going on family trips and shit. i knew it when i felt like i could be myself around her. once she let me meet her mama i knew i was falling for real. despite all the babydaddy drama thats a down ass female. and whenever we can make shit completely right i wanna tie the knot with her. give us a couple years." he explained.

"hmm." i thought, "does sex play a part in loving someone? like does it matter whether you have it or not for love to get involved?"

"for me, no. i didnt start fucking joseline until we was 6 months in. i wanted to make sure we was really bonding before we did anything. i'm not no fuck and duck type of nigga, so i only have sex with females who mean something to me. i feel like it makes me fuck with them on a different level once we actually do it. i also feel like rushing into sex would throw the whole lil friendship off if y'all don't have a real bond. but it's different for everybody so go ask somebody else."

"mmcht." i smacked my lips. "thanks spanky. good talk."

"hell nah cause now you gotta tell me why you asking all these suspicious questions." he squinted his eyes at me.

"i was curious." i said.

"c'mon nova i tell you everything, why you leaving me hanging?" he frowned.

"i talked to kaiser yesterday when he came to pick me up from work ye-"

"why you changing the subject?" he scrunched up his face.

"i'm trying to tell you why i asked those questions, if you would shut up." i rolled my eyes and he signaled for me to continue. "like i was saying, i talked to him and apologized and he apologized and i started crying because i felt so bad th-"

"you always crying."

"can you shut up? anyway, when i started crying he hugged me and he was like i shouldn't be crying cause i'm human and wootdawoot so th-"

"this story boring." he huffed.

"i'm about to knock you out cario." i sighed. "so then i started thanking him for being there for me and then his exact words after that were i gotchu forever. i love you aight? and it just caught me off guard." i said, causing spanky's eyes to widen.

"so you ain't tell my boy you love him back?" he looked at me like i was in stupid.

"i was stuck and in shock spanky. i didn't know how to respond to that. and he made it worse when he spent the rest of the ride laughing at me for being flabbergasted. i wanted to cry even harder on the spot." i frowned.

"so wassup? how you feeling towards him? the feelings mutual or what?" he asked.

"well at first i wasn't sure. because i've never loved anybody in a relationship kind of way so i needed a second opinion. after talking to you, i'm 100% certain that i love him too." i smiled while playing with my necklace.

"ew you growing up." he cringed. "i hate it here."

$$$

the way i get threatened behind these books literally everyday i feel like i deserve one million dollars from everybody.

oh yea and around what time do y'all be gts? cause sometimes i be done writing late at night and ion be knowing if i should publish at that moment or not cause ion be knowing if y'all up or not.

090721.