Not Warriors- Awsten Knight

Chapter 7

June 22, 2018: San Diego California

Awsten was miserable the next day. The conversation with Claire last night was absolutely not the way that he wanted it to go, he knew that she had every right to be angry with him still. 

He was angry with himself, with the way that 20 year old Awsten ran away from the best thing that had ever happened to him due to his own insecurities. 

To make it worse, everyone around him was so excited that Claire was back and in their lives, but was she really in their lives?

He was happy for Jawn and Otto because he knows that they were equally as hurt over their breakup, and they adored her and he felt guilty from taking her away from them. 

He knew that he was being selfish, but he wanted Claire back too. He wanted her to get excited when she saw him, he wanted to just be her friend and have her around and it was killing him that the odds of her getting that back were so slim. 

It was just Jawn and Awsten on the bus, there was about 45 minutes until Awsten had to teach his TEI class which was literally just marketed as "Whatever Awsten Feels Like Doing That Day" and frankly he didn't want to. 

If it was up to him he would wallow in self pity for the rest of the day, but he didn't have that luxury. 

"Do you think she'll ever forgive me?" he asks Jawn softly, if anyone was going to be able to give Awsten advice about the situation it was Jawn. 

Awsten hears his friend sigh softly, looking up from his laptop. 

"Awsten I don't know, maybe? She's not the same Claire. It's going to take time." his friend tells him softly, treading lightly to make sure that he doesn't get more upset. 

Awsten lets out a bitter laugh "No shit she's not the same Claire, six years ago she wouldn't of tore me a new asshole in front of people we had just met." he says 

"You deserved that. I'm proud of her for it." Jawn tells him sternly, and it's clear to Awsten that everyone still holds some sort of resent towards him for what he did. 

"I'm proud of her too." Awsten says softly. 

Jawn looks over at his friend, and sees how much this is effecting him. How much it is eating him up inside that someone that Awsten would once do anything for, was just pretending like he didn't exist. 

Jawn didn't want to take sides, he had seen the aftermath of the breakup for both of them. He tried to stay friends with Claire for as long as possible, but there came to be a point that both of them knew that it was better off if they didn't speak. 

"I just- I don't fucking know what she wants from me." Awsten speaks up again, his frustration evident in his voice. 

"She wants you to prove that you're different Awsten." Jawn says sternly, trying not to get mad at the fact that Awsten didn't seem like he was understanding Claires actions or why she didn't want him around her. 

No one could blame her, Lucas and Geoff had only met Claire for the first time the night before and they saw clear as day why she acted the way that she did. 

Jawn knew that she was probably embarrassed over the way that she spoke up, but she was justified in every right. 

"How am I supposed to prove that I'm different if she doesn't want me to talk to her? Isn't that counter productive?" Awsten shoots back at Jawn, his tone getting a bit harsher. 

Jawn closed his laptop, fully realizing that there wasn't going to be any work getting done at the moment, and he takes a deep breath trying to calm himself before he got too worked up over the situation. 

It was rare for Awsten to have such open conversations about his feelings, especially since his last break up. 

"How are you not understanding why she doesn't want to be around you?" Jawn challenges, because as far as he was concerned it should be a clear picture. 

It was obvious though, that it wasn't getting through Awstens thick skull. 

"I told her I changed, I apologized, I promised her that things would be different but she's not giving me a chance!" Awsten spits back at his friend, his tone raising again. 

Jawn was finding it increasingly more difficult to stay calm at the moment, he didn't want to yell, or be an asshole but it shocked him that they were even having this conversation. 

"You also told her that you would never leave her, you apologized for all of the fights that you used to start with her, and you promised her that things would get better and that you didn't regret the relationship the two of you had. But yet you still left." Jawn challenges. 

"Whatever." Awsten mumbles. 

"She's obviously with that Collin dude now so it doesn't matter anymore anyway." he adds in, in a defeated tone. 

"You cannot be fucking serious right now." Jawn says, his eyes full of disbelief. 

"It's obvious she is, I don't know how you don't see it." Awsten replies matter of factly, as if it was blantly obvious to everyone around them. 

"Maybe because all of the boys told you that none of them were dating Claire?" Jawn questions. 

"Yeah well maybe they just knew-" Awsten starts before Jawn cuts him off quickly. 

"You are absolutely not going to sit here and tell me that they knew who you were and that's why they told you that no one was dating her, because I can tell you right now that those guys care enough about her that they would never  fucking invited you on that bus if they knew who you were. I get that you are upset because Claire doesn't want to talk to you but the world does not revolve around you Awsten. Stop acting like this, I'm saying this as your friend and out of love. This is not the way to get Claire to want to speak to you." Jawn says with a tone of finality, letting Awsten know that the conversation was over. 

He was mad, sure Jawn had made some points and he was probably right. But they had just met the guys from Sonic Heros days before, so how was he supposed to blindly trust them? He trusted Claire, but she hadn't mentioned if she was dating anyone or not. 

He sees the way that Collin looks at her, it's the same way that Awsten used to look at her. 

It's a look full of admiration, and love, and he finds it hard to believe that it's just a friendly look.

"It's time for you TEI class, and then the rest of us are watching Sonics set. Claire is playing again because Dereks hand is still hurt." Jawn says snapping Awsten out of his thoughts completely.