Not Warriors- Awsten Knight

Chapter 59

The typically comfortable silence that Claire and Awsten felt in each others company was deafening at the moment.

She knew that he was right, and needed to go and talk to Collin but didn't even remotely know where to start. Her feelings were hurt by the things that he had said, but now that the heat of the moment had passed she was able to see the truth behind the things that spit out at her.

Maybe Collin was right about her moving in with Awsten so quickly, and it was unfair of her to sit there and say that Philly wasn't home when the boys were the only family that she had known for years now.

"How am I supposed to talk to him?" Claire mumbles softly, her arms still wrapped around Awstens body.

The tears had stopped flowing, but were replaced by an aching in her heart she didn't know how she would be able to fix.

"You gotta try Claire, you can't go to bed like this." he replies, his tone gentle. "I don't think you're going to have much of a choice." he adds on, pointing towards a shadow walking towards the both of them they both recognized in a heartbeat.

Claire feels her breath catch in her throat, she felt silly getting nervous over Collin but after how earlier in the night went she didn't know how to feel about it all.

"Can we talk?" Collin asks so quietly, she almost can't hear him at first. "Alone, possibly?" 

Awsten looks over at Claire, trying to read her face to see if she was okay with this. Letting out a small sigh when she nods slightly, "It's okay Aws, I'll come back to your bus when we're done okay?" she assures him as much as she can. 

"Turn your phone back on so you can call me if you need anything." he tells her gently, kissing her forehead before getting up from his spot on the bleachers. 

Claire sits there, waiting for Collin to speak first looking over at him. "Are you going to sit down or stand there like a creep?" she mutters, casting her gaze back to the ground. 

"I'm sorry, I said things that I shouldn't of." he tells her honestly, walking up the bleachers to sit down next to her. 

Collin wasn't expecting her to tell him that it was okay, and that everything was fine between them but he wasn't expecting to be met with silence either. 

She didn't know what to say back to him, she realized at this point that he had made concerns that were valid but her mind was too clouded by all of the nasty things that he had said to her in the tail end of the argument. 

"Did Equal Vision really call you with an offer for a photographer they would pay for?" she asks curiously, ignoring his apology all together for the time being. 

"Claire-" he starts before she cuts him off gently. 

"Just answer the question Col." she says tiredly. 

Collin takes a deep breath before nodding, "Yeah they did, but I lied when I told you that we told them we would take them up on the offer I just said it because I was mad." he admits. 

"You said it because you wanted to hurt me the same way you were hurting." she challenges, her tone cold. 

He sighs, shaking his head "it's not that I was hurting Claire."

"Somehow I think that makes it worse that you were so willing to say those things to me without being hurt." she replies with a bitter laugh. 

He turns to face her, "I overreacted okay? I got protective over you and I felt like you weren't listening to what I was trying to say and I got mad. It wasn't fair of me to act that way, I should of voiced my concerns in a normal way instead of blowing up on you and I'm sorry Claire I really am." he says, his tone pleading. 

"I don't disagree with your points for the record." she mumbles softly, frustrated to admit that she thought it held some truth. 

"But me leaving Philly isn't a light decision, okay? I did put thought into this, I was planning on moving into my own place out there originally. But is it really that bad that I want to live with Awsten again? We were together for years Col, you know how much he means to me." she tells him, sadness evident in her tone. 

"It's also not fair to paint him out to be this bad guy that's going to hurt me again three days after you told him you loved him." she adds on, feeling the need to defend Awsten. 

Collin nods, listening to her intently. "You're right, it wasn't fair of me to make him out to seem like that." he says with a sigh, "I don't think it's bad you want to be in the same city as him Claire, but you guys have spent everyday together, don't you think you should try to navigate being together again with time apart?"

"Was it so hard for you to say that from the start?" she counteracts still feeling slightly uspet. 

He shakes his head, picking at the skin around his fingernails. "No it wasn't, and I shouldn't of spoken for the other guys either. None of them are speaking to me right now for the shit that went down."

"You guys are my family, Sonic Hero's will always have my entire heart. I have seen you guys grow from the very beginning, and to feel like everything I've done was for absolute nothing and you could get rid of me that easy broke my heart." she tells him honestly, taking a deep breath before continuing. 

"I fully understand if you don't want to have to pay someone out of your pockets anymore, you don't make enough money to pay me for everything. If you had just told me that in a calm matter, I would stepped aside without you practically firing me in front of everyone." Claire says, trying to regain her composure. 

"You're right." he mutters, a hot feeling gathering behind his eyes and nose. 

"Not to be a stuck up bitch but my portfolio speaks for itself, I could get another job touring with another band. That's not a struggle for me, so if you guys don't want to have to pay me from your pockets just say that." she spits at him, a hint of anger in her tone. 

"I'm sorry for running, I didn't think that through I just needed time to think away from everyone. I know I scared everyone, I should of at least left my phone on. I didn't realize how long I was gone for." she admits quietly, still not looking at him. 

"I figured you couldn't of gone far, you left your wallet on the table." he mumbles, not wanting to make her feel any worse than she already was feeling. 

"Did you tell Madison about what happened?" she asks him softly, finally looking over at him when he lets out a watery laugh. 

"I have never seen Mads more mad at me than she was tonight." he admits, wiping the tears out from under his eyes. 

Claire sighs, "I'll call her and talk to her when I get back to the bus." 

He shakes his head, shrugging softly. "She told me that you never would of stopped me from following her to the ends of the world, or anyone else for that matter if I dated someone new. You would of supported me through it all, and if I got hurt you could of come to pick up the pieces afterwards and help me put them back together. That's how I knew I made the wrong decision, because she's right." 

"It must suck to be in love with your best friend's sister." Claire says with a genuine laugh, making Collin feel better about tonight's events. 

"My best friend, and her sister are my two favorite people in the world so it's not half bad. You both call me out when I need to be, and manage to keep me sane. I wouldn't give that up for anything, I really am sorry about tonight Claire. Whatever you decide to do, I support you. Your happiness matters more than anything else." he says sincerely, as she nods slowly. 

Claire looks at him, "I'm not going to tell you that it's okay, but I accept your apology. I just want you to seriously think about if you want be to continue to work with you guys after this tour or not, you deserve to have your label pay for things and not have to do it yourselves. I won't be mad if you make that choice."

"Claire we don't-" Collin starts quickly, pausing when he notices a smile creep on her face. 

"Just think about it Collin, just because you were mad didn't mean there wasn't truth behind your words. I won't be upset if that's the choice you guys decide to go with." she tells him honestly, standing up from her spot walking down the bleacher steps. "Just be honest with yourself, and then be honest with me."