My Reason To Live

6

Warnings:
-Eating disorder (mentions starving)
-Forced into sexual pictures
-Body dysmorphia
-Fat shaming
-Grooming

(Whole chapter)

George's POV

I was waiting for the coach to text me back since he was making up a list of things I had to do. He seemed to stop typing for a little and then typed again, sending me a short message.

Coach
I do need pictures first.

You
Okay, I'll take some real quick.

I stood up and walked to my mirror to take a picture of myself. I was wearing my sweats so it did kind of hide my fat. I cut my face off and sent him the picture.

You
There :)

Coach
You're actually so dumb. I can't help you like that, idiot. You're the one who is staying fat forever, not me.

You
I'm sorry, what did I do wrong?

Coach
I need pictures without clothes so I can see where your fat is.

You
I can keep my boxers on, right? I don't feel comfortable without clothes, I'd rather not want that.

Coach
Okay bye George, good luck staying a gross pig for the rest of your life. It's not my problem that no one will ever love you because you're this gross. Just stay fat, break your promise and have everyone hate you forever. You can't do it yourself, that's all I know.

You
But there's not that much fat to show there, right? It's a bit uncomfortable for me.

Coach
Everyone who I helped sent me those pictures. I'm not going to help you without them, I can't help you like that. But fine, stay fat. You're the ugly pig here and everyone will get nauseous when they look at you.

You
Is it actually necessary?

I felt really uncomfortable and stared at my hands. I really wanted to be thin and I was so disgusted by myself that I wanted to do everything I could to get myself to be thinner.

Was it even that bad? It was just one picture and then he would know. Then he would be able to help me and I would get thin so everyone would start liking me more.

I felt nervous as I slowly undressed myself in front of the mirror and told myself around a hundred times that it was better to do this. It was just a picture and nothing would ever happen with it, I would just lose weight and be beautiful again.

Next to that, I really didn't have the courage to say no. Before I took the picture, I still waited for their reply.

Coach
No, it's not necessary if you want to stay fat forever. You're ugly, you're gross, at least you're sure you'll never have anyone like you. To be fair, no one likes you at this moment either, because I can tell you that I wouldn't like a pig like you.

You
I do want to lose weight, but I'd rather not take such photos.

Coach
Good luck losing weight. No one will ever end up helping you when you don't listen to them. You're actually so ugly, I can't even stand you. Maybe it's better if I don't help you, because if you don't listen to me this early, I will just end up making you hurt yourself constantly.

You
Okay, I will take them, but promise me to delete them?

Coach
I have to keep them for the progress.

You
I don't want you to do anything with the pictures, it's making me very uncomfortable. I just really want to lose weight, but I didn't know this was a thing people did for that.

Coach
You'll never lose weight if you feel shame. You will have to throw up and throw food away wherever people are. You will have to argue to lose weight and you'll never reach that without me. I just only care about you getting thin.

You
Okay, but please don't do anything with it. I just want to be thin and I guess you're right. I need to get thinner because I'm disgusting, I can't do it alone.

Coach
Yeah, you are disgusting. Not going to lie to you, I would genuinely either kill myself for starve myself for the rest of my life if I looked like you do.

His words hurt me deeply and I walked back to my mirror without my clothes on. While there were rolling down my face, I took a picture of my body and closed my eyes as I sent the picture to him. I didn't include my face luckily, but once he didn't swear at me anymore, I felt a tiny bit more comfortable.

Coach
Okay good, but that's not enough. I need more pictures. Please, just put your shame away, I've seen your body already. Who cares?

I was so hopeless of losing weight right now that I nodded to myself. He did see my body already now and I needed to lose weight. He was able to help me if I listened to him.

You
What pictures do you need?

Coach
From your side, your back, you laying down, your legs and the back of your legs.

I wanted to argue, but figured it was better for me to just listen to him. I needed to lose weight and this was my only way of losing weight. He had seen me already and he promised to not do anything weird with the pictures.

I ended up taking all the pictures he needed to and deleted them from my phone so there was no way anyone would ever figure out.

Coach
Okay, good. Thank you, now I'll be able to help you. Your stomach, legs and hips are extremely fat. We need to work on that as fast as possible.

You
Can I trust you?

Coach
Do you want me to send you pictures too or something? I'll prove that I'm thin.

You
I don't know

Coach
Fine, give me a min

I dressed up again and waited for a bit. After a few minutes he sent me a few pictures and I stared at it as my heart skipped a beat. I felt like bursting into the most tears ever as I realised what was going on. The pictures he sent me were obviously fake.

1035 words

Summary:
George sends pictures of his body because he gets forced and sworn at for minutes and then figures out he gets groomed.