My Reason To Live

32

Warnings:
-SUICIDE ATTEMPT (overdose)
-Throwing up

George's POV

Clay appeared to be so traumatised that he hadn't spoken all day. He left to go home the next day around the afternoon and I had texted him a lot. He hadn't smiled, he hadn't cried. It seemed like he went back to feeling numb and empty.

When it was just an hour before dinner, I suddenly heard very loud and quick footsteps coming up the stairs. I didn't know why they sounded this mad, but I did know that it scared me a lot. Jason wasn't at home either so this must have been my dad.

Without any warning, my door got opened and slammed against the door with a loud noise.

'George, why are you like this? Why are you such a liar?'

'W-what?'

'I spoke to a classmate of yours, he came here to tell me what you had been doing. Apparently Clay isn't your boyfriend and you just lied about that. How many of those pictures have you sent in exchange for sex? Why are you like this? I don't want you here anymore for now. You seem to have a lot of people who want you for sex so just leave go to them.'

'I didn't do that,' I whispered.

'Oh yeah, that's why I got shown pictures you sent and on top of that I walked in on you and Clay half naked if not naked.'

'But Clay is my boyfriend.'

'Sure, I totally believe you. Just meet up a few times for sex and it's over again.'

'B-but-.'

My dad didn't listen to me for any longer and slammed my door shut as he ran downstairs. His words hurt me so deeply that I started crying. Everything was going wrong in my life.

My mother died, I couldn't even eat normally, pictures of me got spread everywhere, I got groomed and next to that it was my fault Clay got taken with that predator. It was my fault that he didn't feel anything again.

I felt so miserable and life felt so hopeless that I stood up and didn't feel like being here any longer. I was so sick of all the pain I went through last weeks and Clay was probably never going to forgive me either.

TW SUICIDE ATTEMPT (overdose)

I walked to the bathroom and grabbed two bottles of medication. One was my dad's sleeping pills, the other was just some painkillers.

I grabbed the pills and went back to my room, grabbing a letter as I started writing. It was my suicide note and I explained everything to my dad who was currently sitting downstairs while being really mad.

I wrote about how much pain I had and how badly I wanted to eat, but how fat I found myself looking. How disgusted I was by what I had done and that I regretted it so much. I also wrote about that I didn't dare to go back to school anymore, because I got bullied so badly and it was breaking me.

After I wrote it all down, I texted Jason, Sapnap and Clay a suicide note too. I wanted them to know I loved them and definitely Clay. I wrote three extra paragraphs for him.

I closed my phone once I sent it to them all and grabbed a cup of water, filling my mouth with pills. I swallowed them all, continuing until the first bottle was empty.

It didn't feel like it was enough and I took more pills out of the other bottle, feeling and extreme pain coming up in my stomach.

It was hurting so badly that I had to lay down on the floor and before I knew I started sweating. My forehead was filled with sweat while I started panting loudly.

Still, I didn't regret what I had done. No one would ever truly love me and even if they did, I could never forget about the guilt and the pain of me sharing those pictures. I just wished I would have never done that, but it was already too late. Everyone had seen me.

The pain was so incredibly bad that tears were stinging in my eyes. I started coughing and it felt like I was choking on some foamish stuff coming from my mouth.

TW throwing up

I turned myself to my side and breathed heavily as I got really nauseous too. I tried to lift myself up, but I couldn't anymore. It caused me to throw up on the ground and make me almost choke in it.

TW over

'H-help,' I whispered as I looked around me and the realisation seemed to hit me.

I had a boyfriend who needed me, I had a friend, a father and a brother. What the hell was I doing?

I started slamming my fist on the ground, trying to scream for help. Though, no one seemed to hear me. My dad was just mad at me and he would probably stay mad for a while.

'H-h-help m-me,' I muttered, but only a hoarse voice was hearable through the silence house. 'I'm d-dying.'

Eventually I gave up. My dad wasn't going to save me and Jason, Clay and Sapnap wouldn't be in time to.

TW very short mentions throwing up

I ended up throwing up another time and the pain in my stomach got only worse. My whole body was shaking and I had weird spasms in my arm.

TW over

I ended up grabbing my phone, trying to open it and after three times I managed to.

Clay, Jason and Sapnap all replied to me.

Jason
I texted dad, I'm immediately coming home. Please, stay strong. I'm here, George. I'm coming.

Sapnap
I left school, I'm running to your place but I don't have a car. Please, keep fighting.

Clay
George :( I love you, don't leave me :( I'm crying very hard now. Georgie, stay with me, I'm coming to help you :(

I only regretted what I had done more and more and just hoped for someone to be on time to save me.

All I could do now was just lay down in silence as I hoped for peace and saving at the same time. It was Clay's message that broke my heart even more than it already broke before.

1053 words

Summary:
George takes an overdose and ends up regretting it a lot, hoping someone is on time to save him