My Reason To Live

23

Warnings:
-Bullying (very short)

Clay's POV

I didn't even argue when I had to go to school again. I was so overly excited that I ran to school, but my mood got worse when I realised I had no friends at school and no one to talk to.

I sighed softly as I entered the school and people were giggling as they looked at me. My mood was immediately ruined and I sadly sat down on a chair, thinking about George again.

I went to our Discord chat to vent about my feelings.

Clay
Hi, I'm sorry for texting. I was just really excited and then realised I don't have friends at school to talk to. I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking a lot about you.

George didn't reply, but he was also in class. I stared at my hands and sighed again as the bell rang. I slowly stood up to walk to my first class, but I got laughed at even more.

'Why are you laughing?' I muttered, being hurt by it for the first time in my life.

'Because you got caught making out with a guy, idiot. You always said you had no feelings. Those videos definitely say otherwise.'

'Can you just stop hurting me?' I whispered. I was suddenly so sad that I felt tears filling my eyes. 'I was happy about the kiss and I don't have anyone to talk to. Now you are also making fun of me.'

It was a bit quiet and a boy I barely knew the name off walked closer to me. He grabbed my hand and smiled. 'Would you like to talk for a little?'

I nodded slowly and he signed to the teacher that we would be back soon. He pulled me outside of the classroom and smiled again.

'Hi, I'm Bad! I know your name is Clay, maybe you knew I was Bad already too.'

I smiled and just stared at my hands. 'I'm sad.'

'I have always heard you don't feel many emotions, what makes you suddenly so sad?'

'Can I tell you?'

'Of course.'

'I have a trauma which caused me to not feel anything anymore. I'm game addicted and I just always sit in my room, but I met a boy. I fell in love with him and he made me laugh, cry and feel so many emotions I never felt. We met up and apparently people took pictures of us when we were kissing and now they make fun of me. I was just excited and I wished I had someone to tell about him.'

'You can tell me about him,' Bad said. 'You can also talk about your past. You can talk about whatever you want.'

I looked at him and bit my shaking lip so I wouldn't cry.

'My real parents left me in England when I was five and it hurt me so much that I got numb and blocked every single emotion there is.'

I couldn't hold back my tears anymore and started crying loudly as Bad pulled me closer. 'Can I give you a hug?'

'Yes,' I whispered as Bad pulled me into his arms.

'It's okay to cry about,' he said. 'That's such a hurtful thing to go through and I'm really proud that you've expressed your emotions.'

I nodded slowly. 'I love George so much, but I don't have anyone to talk to. It's weird to tell my parents what we did, but I just want to tell someone about him.'

'Go ahead.'

'We met up and kissed,' I said with a shy smile, looking him in the eyes. 'It makes me so happy and excited. I never kissed someone.'

Bad smiled and just let me talk.

'I want to meet up with him again, because he's really special to me. I didn't even know I was gay a few weeks ago, but he made me feel things no one is able to.'

'Are you going to meet him again?'

'Yes, I really hope so. I'm a little bit confused about my feelings, but I love him so much. He's gorgeous. I miss him already.'

Bad smiled and I looked at my feet.

'Is this weird? I never really thought about what others think about me, but I'm afraid you're secretly homophobic as well.'

'I'm not homophobic at all. Can I tell you something? And can I trust you with it?'

'Yes,' I said with a smile. 'Of course.'

'I have a secret boyfriend,' he whispered. 'No one knows if I'm honest.'

'Really?' I yelled out. 'Who?'

'Skeppy,' Bad giggled. 'Don't tell anyone though. We are together for nine months now and haven't told anyone since we know this school is stupid enough to hate people who like the same gender.'

'That's so cool,' I said with a smile.

Bad smiled and hugged me another time. 'Are you feeling better now?'

'I am, but I really want to see George.'

'You can call him after school?' Bad said with a questioning time in his voice.

'I will,' I said with a smile. 'I can't wait to speak to him again.'

'Do you want to go back to class now?'

'Okay,' I said as I nodded. We walked back to the class and I sat down, having some people smile at me. No one laughed anymore and Skeppy looked from me to Bad. Bad nodded slowly and Skeppy had a big smile fill his face.

He stuck his thumb up in the air and I looked back at the teacher. My dad was coming to school with me after today to talk with the principal about me and the rest of this year.

My dad realised school wasn't going to help me since I would for sure fail this year. I just hoped I was allowed to stay home for the rest of the year and start over next year.

I pushed the thoughts away to think about George again. My face immediately filled with the biggest smile as I thought about his lips on mine while I was allowed to explore his mouth. I couldn't stop smiling anymore and the day passed by pretty quickly as I was daydreaming about George all day.

1037 words