My Reason To Live

13

I'm going to family so I might miss the 6/7 pm update, I will double update later  in the evening :D

Warnings:
-Eating disorder behaviour
-Mentions grooming
-Bullying

George's POV

After I played with Clay for literally six hours, I got called for dinner. Before walking downstairs, I looked at myself to see my incredibly pale face with big, dark bags under my eyes. I sighed softly, but was also glad to look like this so I would be able to lie more easily about me being sick. There was no way I was going to school again.

I slowly walked downstairs and didn't say much as I sat at the dinner table. I didn't eat anything again today and I didn't feel like eating anything either.

My dad stared at me and I looked in front of me without any emotion. 'Are you okay, George?'

'I don't feel good,' I muttered.

'I made pasta, that's your favourite meal. It might be good to eat something since you're so pale.'

'I'm a bit nauseous, I'd rather not eat.'

'You didn't eat yesterday either.'

'Please, leave me alone for a bit,' I whispered as I stood up again. 'I'm sorry, I need time alone.'

'That's fine, take your time,' my brother said. 'You can come into my room if you need me.'

'I'd rather just stay alone now. I'm actually not feeling well and I'd rather not go to school for a bit either.'

'What are you feeling?'

'I'm just extremely tired, nauseous and weak. I also have a lot of stomach pains. I'd just rather not go to school, because I'm afraid I'll throw up.'

'I understand, honey,' my dad said. 'You look really pale and fragile. I think it's better if you stay home until you feel better.'

'Thanks, I'm going to my room now.'

I walked off without another reply and slowly went up the stairs while reading my phone. All the hate messages hurt me so much and I constantly had to block people. They sent me the pictures multiple times, laughing about me and making fun of my body.

It caused me to cry again. I was so hurt inside, I was genuinely so upset. I didn't know how I could ever solve this. It felt like I was unable to talk about it to my dad, he would be so disappointed in me and after all the hate I got, I didn't want someone else to be disappointed too.

I laid in bed for minutes as suddenly downstairs the doorbell rang. I immediately curled myself up, being extremely afraid of a classmate coming here to tell my dad what I had done.

When I heard footsteps on the stairs a minute later, I closed my eyes and squeezed my hands. I was already prepared for the longest speech I ever got, telling me why it was bad to have a phone and why I was in the wrong.

Instead, Sapnap appeared in my room and he sat on the edge of my bed, smiling. 'You weren't replying, so I wanted to see how you are doing. I was a bit worried.'

'I'm fine,' I lied as I rolled away from him, staring at the wall.

'Can we talk, George?'

'There's nothing to talk about.'

'From my perspective there's a lot to talk about. Can I ask you something again?'

I didn't answer, waiting for him to talk again.

'Did you like the person who you sent the pictures to? Or did they send you pictures and did you return them because they asked?'

'N-no,' I whispered.

'But then I'm starting to think that you got manipulated or forced into doing those things. Did you know who the person behind the screen was?'

I didn't answer and had to fight against the tears in my eyes. 'I'm uncomfortable, can you please leave? I think it's better to just stop being friends. I can't be friends with someone who saw all that from me.'

'I deleted them all, George. There wasn't more that I could do. The pictures were posted in the group and as soon as I realised what was going on, I immediately deleted them from my phone and swore at the person who spread them.'

'I appreciate that, but I still don't want you to see my private-.' I had to stop talking since tears were stinging in my eyes and my throat felt thick like I could choke any second. My body wasn't private in the slightest anymore, I would never be able to make that undone.

'Your dad told me that you've barely been eating lately. Does this have anything to do with it? You look a bit skinny.'

'I just don't like my body a lot and now everyone has seen it.'

'Are you starving?'

'No,' I lied as I stared down at my hands. 'I get so many hate messages and it hurts so much. They all accuse me of doing this for sex or being sexually so hopeless that I had to do this to fulfil my wishes.'

'I'm pretty sure that's not the case. You've never even talked about such things.'

'What do you want me to talk about?'

'I don't know, I think I would have known by now if you were some sex addict or whatever.'

'I'm not,' I whispered. 'I've never even touched myself because I dislike my body.'

Sapnap looked at me and grabbed my wrist. 'You're thin. Do you feel insecure about being too thin?'

I shook my head and poked my stomach without saying anything.

'About being too fat?' Sapnap said with a confused look.

I didn't answer him and curled up. 'I'm not going to school for a bit. I'm feeling sick as well, it's better if I stay home and wait until I feel better again and maybe it has calmed down at school.'

'We can go to the police, George.'

'I don't want my dad to know. He would be so incredibly disappointed in me.'

'We don't have to tell him.'

'I'm sixteen, I can't go to the police without my parents. My dad will have to be informed about it and I don't want that.'

'But-.'

'I don't want it, okay? I'm just staying home.'

'Fine,' Sapnap muttered. 'Do you want to do something together?'

'I'd rather sleep for now.'

'I understand. George, please know that I still love you. I don't find you dumb or anything close to that. I think there's more behind this than just sending pictures to someone you like.'

I didn't say anything as he walked off.

1077 words